Insanity
by The Whispers in The Night
Summary: I didn't want anyone to know… I thought it would be better if I had held it in... It's been months since Johnny and Dally died, and Pony blames himself for it. He's tried killing himself to shut out the images of thier deaths, but they won't go away. What will Ponyboy do to escape himself? That's easy for a Greaser like him: Run.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! Welcome to my newest fanfiction! :) I deicided to take a break on all my stories and focus on one or two right now, since those are the ones I'm most interested in. **

**I came up with this fanfic in English class yesterday, and my class had just finished reading _The Outsiders_, and I fell in love with the book from page 1. It's amazing! **

**This takes place months after Johnny and Dally's deaths, and Pony hadn't gotten better when he was going all crazy when he was sick the day after Johnny and Dally had died, when Randy came to visit him. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Outsiders_. All characters and credit go to S.E. Hinton. **

Chapter 1:

A Time to Remember

_ I remember Johnny and Dally's deaths like they were yesterday. _

_ Actually, they were several months ago. I remember the look on Johnny's face when he had told me to stay gold as he was dying in the hospital, the pained look in his eyes as he was submitted to leaving the gang forever. I remember the happy but pained look in Dally's eyes as he lay on the cold and night-black pavement the night he was shot down, just minutes after Johnny had died. _

_ Dally had longed to die that night, and we all knew it. We all knew that he wanted to be with Johnny, and to die was his way of letting go on life. As much as I hate to admit it, Johnny wouldn't have wanted Dally's life to end as tragic as it had, but unfortunately Dally had chosen that as his way to be with the one thing he loved. We all loved Johnny like a little brother, but no one's love for the shy and quiet boy we once knew was as strong as Dally's had been. At least, that's what I thought. _

I set down the notebook that I had been writing in and stared at the dark night sky from out of my window, wondering if Johnny and Dally were looking down upon me now. I didn't want to keep acting like they were alive, even though it hurt inside to tell myself they were gone forever and not coming back. Everyone else in the gang had moved on, but why couldn't I?

That was one question I couldn't answer for myself.

I had been put in this whack job place after I had tried overdosing on the aspirin pills I took quite a lot after Johnny and Dally's deaths. It seemed like I always had a headache once the nightmares had begun to occur, and I'd wake up screaming either Johnny or Dally's names while covered in sweat and trembling of fear. I had lost my reputation, and I had forced to drop out of school due to my flunking grades. Soda had come to visit me every once in a while, but Darry never came with him.

Darry hasn't given a shit about me since the night I overdosed.

The night I had overdosed I was the only one in the house, Darry had gone somewhere and Soda was working until midnight. It was the perfect timing, because no one could hear me as I choked down one pill. It started with one, but quickly grew into small handful after small handful. I had begun to hallucinate, and when I heard the front door slam and heard Soda's usual greeting of, "Anybody home?" I knew there was only a matter of time before he found me here, in the corner of the room we shared, choking down pill after pill while sobbing.

The door to our room opened and Soda appeared, and he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my shaking body, the two empty bottles of aspirin that lay on the floor and the hurt and relief in my eyes. I could barely hear Soda as he shouted my name, and he was a blur as he bolted to my side, took the small handful of pills out of my shaking hand easily, and slapped my face a couple times to keep me awake. My brother's eyes were filled with fear for me, and the last thing I had remembered was Darry coming through our bedroom door, casting a glance with Soda, then walking out of the room calmly as if I hadn't mattered to him.

I haven't heard from or seen Darry since that night.

And for some odd reason, I'm glad.

"Pony?" I turned around in the chair I had been sitting in for the last 20 minutes to find Soda standing there in his pajamas, which consisted of a plain white T-shirt and old jeans that used to be Darry's.

"What are you doin' here, Soda? It's the middle of night, for cryin' out loud…" I shot a side glance in his direction, and watched as my older brother and the one who truly cared about me walk over and wrap me into his arms.

"I know, Pony. I just can't take it at the house sometimes," I knew what he meant. He meant Darry was giving him a hard time, and Soda felt as though it was his fault. He had told me this a thousand times over, and no matter how many times he'd say everything was fine at home, I knew my brother well enough to see it wasn't by the look in his eyes.

Soda broke away and looked me in the eye. "Darry still blames himself, you know… About walking out that night…" He trailed off and I could see tears brimming in his eyes that used to hide all of his emotions, but since the night I was taken here he hadn't been able to hold them all in as strong as he used too.

I stared at my notebook that was on the small table. I picked out one sentence: _I remember Johnny and Dally's deaths like they were yesterday. _"I killed Johnny and Dally that night… And now I'm killing Darry inside too…" I whispered loud enough for Soda to hear, panic seizing my body at once.

Soda turned my face so I was looking at him. "No, Pony, you didn't. You didn't kill Johnny or Dallas-"

"But I did, Soda. I killed them, and now Darry's dying inside because of me…" In one quick movement I had gotten out of the chair I had been sitting in a second before and leaned against the wall of my small cubical, Soda still on his knees. My mind was throwing accusations at me, and I felt myself shaking in fear of my own mind. "I killed them, Soda! I killed them!" I shouted and slammed my fist against the wall repeatedly, hot tears running down my face.

Soda's hands gripped my shoulders and whirled me around so I was facing him. My brother looked me in eye once again and briskly said, "Ponyboy, you didn't kill them…"

I ignored the soothing tone in his voice. "Yes I did, Soda! I killed Dally and Johnny, and soon Darry'll be dead because of me! Why am I this way? Why must I go through all this hurt?" I screamed in my brother's face and clenched and unclenched my fists over and over, my body racking with sobs as my knees gave away and suddenly I couldn't hold myself up right. Soda held me as I sobbed into his shoulder and screamed accusations at myself, while he reassured me that I hadn't killed Dally or Johnny and that Darry wasn't going to die.

I knew better than to believe him, though.

Soda picked me up in his arms and carried me over to my bed in the corner of the room, set me down in it and threw the blanket I had taken from home over me. He paused to kiss my forehead before whispering, "You gotta get better, Pony… You just gotta…"

I looked up at my brother with sadness in my eyes, realizing how much Soda must be hurting on both the inside and outside now that I was here. "I ain't gonna get better, Soda… I can't go a day without a panic attack…" Soda crawled into bed beside me and wrapped his arms around my body protectively as if he could save me from the madness in my mind.

"I'm so sorry, Pony… I didn't know you were hurting this much…" Soda's once happy and laughing eyes were now filled with despair and hurt, and I guessed he was remembering the night I had overdosed and the way Darry had walked out as if I hadn't mattered.

"I didn't want you to know Soda…" I whispered as my brother silently cried beside me while trying to control himself for my safety.

"W-why not? W-we could have helped you…" Soda stuttered between his silent crying, which quickly grew into quiet sobs.

"I didn't want anyone to know… I thought it would be better if I had held it in…" I told him, tears forming in my eyes and threatening to spill over.

After hours of telling Soda how I felt about all this, he finally turned over and went to sleep. I guessed he didn't care whether Darry worried about him or not. As long as Soda was with me, he was happy.

And for the way I was, Soda being happy was the one thing I hadn't gone insane over.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Same old… Same old…

I awoke to a loud BOOM coming across the sky, while rain beat down on the roof of the Tulsa Mental Institution. I sighed and rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling, my eyesight blurry from sleep. I heard a loud snore come from somewhere to my right, and I turned to find Soda on the floor of my cubical with a pillow smashed against his face, oblivious to what was going on outside.

I climbed out of bed, shivering because Soda also had the blanket wrapped around his legs, and maneuvered my way around my brother, trying not to wake him up. I tip-toed over to my table where my notebook still sat from where I had it the night before, quietly sat in the chair next to it, and stared at the empty space that was in my notebook. I picked up the pen I had and traced the writing I had on the page over and over, trying to block out the voices that were returning to my mind.

_You're useless. _

_ You're a no body. _

_ No wonder Darry walked out on you. He doesn't even care about you. _

I could barely take the pain and hurt that the voices were telling me. It finally became too much, and I grabbed the pen I used to trace the words in my notebook and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me quietly so no one would suspect anything. Sitting on the floor, I began to dig the pen deep into my upper arm so deep that blood began to flow from the puncture wounds. I felt numb, and I was glad for that. By now, the entire bathroom reeked with the smell of blood and I felt calmer as I continued.

I had begun to cry, my body racking with painful and uncontrollable sobs as I stopped digging the pen into both my arms, which were blood-stained. I must not have locked the door, because it swung open and Soda appeared, his mouth open and eyes wide in shock. He yelled my name, but it seemed as though he were very far away as he crossed over to me in a couple steps, bent down to my level and easily took the pen from my shaking and weak hands. My vision became foggy, and tears continued to stream down my face as Soda called for someone to help, anyone to save me from my madness.

I continue to bleed from my arms and growing weaker by the minute, the white tile floor stained with my arms' blood and making a pool of it around me as I laugh at my brother's terrified expression. I crawled to the corner of the bathroom, shuffling away from Soda, trying to disappear into the wall behind me. My brother looked at me worriedly, and I could tell he was on the edge of calling Darry and having him come and help. I didn't want Darry here. I knew that if he came he'd blame himself for this as well as walking out the night I overdosed.

_Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.  
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.  
Don't go.  
Don't go._

I dug my nails deeper into my wrist, trying to block out the song lyrics that were blowing around in my mind like a tornado. I wanted to die. I needed to die. I needed to be free of this life. I needed to be free of myself, of my brothers, of my mind, of everything. Just one more… And then I'll be free. Free from all this pain and suffering that has been inside me all these years. Gone in just one quick dig of my sharp nails…

_Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.  
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.  
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Don't go.  
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.  
I can't __live__ with myself, so stay with me tonight.  
Don't go._

That one song. That's all I hear. I don't hear my brother as he calls Darry and tells him to hurry his butt up and get here, not answering Darry's flurry of questions, just telling him that something's wrong. I can only hear those lyrics.

"What's wrong with him?" I can barely make out Soda's frantic words. The song is consuming me in a mount of lyrics, and I can't hold on much longer. I'm slipping away from life, glad to be. Tears are streaming down my face as I raise my bloody hand to sig my nails deep into my face, feeling even number than I did before as I dug at my forehead, my cheeks, my chin. Every part of my face, slashed and bleeding so much you can see the bone. My tears turn from clear to a dark red as blood and water mix, making me look like I cry blood.

_When your dreams all fail  
And the ones we hail  
Are the worst of all  
And the blood's run stale_

_I want to hide the truth_  
_I want to shelter you_  
_But with the beast inside_  
_There's nowhere we can hide._

A new song starts, both of them channeling together, making a song that sounds terrible but soothing at the same time.

_When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide_

Those lyrics. They all come together, forming a mix of words that buzz through my mind blankly. I can barely see anything, my eyes beginning to close, my vision turning black.

_It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide…_

It's all I remember. Those two lines, that's all. Nothing more. The rest is just a memory, silently joining the others in the dark recesses of my mind…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Hurt and Pain, Misery and Demise

I wake up to my head pounding and my arms and face burning and stinging. I try and move my hands so I can rub my temples, trying to get the headache to go away, but as soon as I try and do that pain shoots up both my arms and hands, making me scream so loud my hospital door swings open and Soda and my doctor step through, Soda's eyes flooding with relief when he saw that I was awake. My brother made his way to my bedside and picked at a seam in the blanket I had around me, not meeting my eyes. I looked at him for a short moment, my mind blank of anything that I could say to Soda to get him to talk.

"Ah, Ponyboy," My doctor said and looked at me sympathetically. "I see that you're awake. " My doctor was a woman about 20, with brown hair and emerald green eyes. Her name was Dr. Gustine, though I never called her that. I always called her Doc, because I could never remember her name even in my brightest moments. She hadn't lived in Tulsa long, she was from California and a new doctor here at the Institution, but it seemed as though she'd been here her whole life the way she talked to me.

"Would you like to explain what you were doing last night, Pony?" Dr. Gustine asked me, and I shook my head and shuddered, not wanting to think about anything at the time being. "Ponyboy, if you're going to get better, you need to talk to me. I need to know what goes through your mind day by day, night by night. That's my job, and if you won't talk then how can I help you?"

Soda muttered something under his breath that sounded like, "He don't gotta talk if he don't want too…" But I acted like I couldn't hear what my brother was saying, and I shot him a glance quickly and turned back to Dr. Gustine; images from last night ran through my head like a race car, not giving me time to register what had happened.

"Lyrics. That's all I heard…" I suddenly remembered something and whispered those words to myself, but Soda heard me and his head snapped up from where he was looking down, interest in his brown eyes. I shot him a glance from the corner of my eye and continued. "They were all these songs jumbled into one. It was weird, and I couldn't hear much because the lyrics were swirling around in my head…" I shuddered, not wanting to remember and carry on describing it.

Soda leaned over from where he sat on the corner of the bed and put a hand on my shoulder, like he was waiting for me to faint or something due to the shock of remembering last night's events. Tears formed in my eyes for the millionth time since the three weeks I had been in here, and Soda saw the pain in them and said, "Its okay, Pony… You don't gotta talk if you don't wanna…" I looked into my brother's eyes sadly, knowing that he didn't want me to tell my doctor what had happened to make me cut myself, or the things Soda told me that were going on at home. _Can I tell her some of it? I won't tell her anything about home. _My eyes were pleading, and when Soda, his eyes still scared, nodded I sighed and began to tell her the story of why I'd wanted to cut myself. Memories of the first time I had cut, and then overdosed rushed through my head like a movie, each part being thoroughly described to Dr. Gustine.

When I was finished, she nodded and looked at the clipboard in her hands. "Thank you, Ponyboy. I will come by later and ask you a couple more questions, just to help you," I guessed she saw the way I tensed up at the word 'questions'. "In the meantime, you can spend some time with your brother." She directed her next question at Soda. "You're brotherly bond has strengthened, has it not, since Pony isn't at the house anymore?"

Soda coughed, trying to hide his smile as he said, "Yeah, it's always been like that."

I couldn't help but smile at the way Soda's eyes lit up when he had said our bond was always strong. Even though it was true, I sometimes felt like Soda only came to visit me so I wouldn't feel so alone, and so I thought someone cared enough to come and visit me in this place. I pushed the thoughts away and looked up as I heard a chair screech across the tile floor and I noticed that Dr. Gustine was making her way out of the room. I heard low voices come from outside through the crack that she had left by putting her foot against the door so that it wouldn't lock, and someone I never thought I'd see to come and visit me stepped in.

My older brother, Darry.

"Hey, Pepsi-Cola," Darry said, using Soda's nickname he had come up with. He looked at me shyly. "Hey, Pony…"

"Darry." I said harsher than I intended too, but the feelings inside of me were taking over my body. The anger at my oldest brother for not helping me as I lay there on the floor, hallucinating, the night I had overdosed. The pain of seeing the way he looked at me as though I never mattered to him, like I was a piece of trash just waiting to be thrown to the curb. The betrayal from him for always being hard on me, always yelling at me for the littlest things, always hollering at me for something I didn't do.

Always making me feel useless.

Making me feel unwanted.

Making me feel unloved.

I was angry at Darry for it all, and if I could get up out of my bed and strangle my brother until all my anger at him was out, I would.

Darry came by my bed and sat down where Soda was, near my feet. "How've you been, little buddy?" He asked me, the pleas of forgiveness clear in his voice.

I narrowed my eyes at him and spat, "Fine. Just fine."

"Look Pony," Darry said his eyes boring into mine. "I'm sorry for walking out on you the night you-"

"Save it!" I yelled, and Soda jumped at my outburst.

"Ponyboy…" Darry's voice sounded hurt, but I didn't care for him at all in that moment.

"I. Said. Save. It." I said briskly, Darry slowly getting off the bed and backing up when he saw the rage in my eyes.

"Darry, you should probably-" Soda began, but Darry interrupted him.

"What in the hell is wrong with you, Pony? I thought I'd come to visit you to be nice, but now you're actin' as though you don't want me here!" Darry shouted, the sound of his scream echoing off the walls of the room.

"I don't want you here! You've done nothing but cause me pain! That's all you've done since Mom, Dad, Johnny, and Dally died!" I yelled from where I lay in my bed, Soda moving next to me and wrap his strong arms around my shoulders as if he knew how much I wanted to leap at Darry and take my pain out on my oldest brother.

"Easy, Pony, easy…" Soda whispered to me, trying to calm me down. "It's okay, just calm down…"

Darry's eyes turned to ice as he said, "I wanted the best for you, Pony! You have things I've always wanted! You got to stay in school, you got everything you've asked for-"

"All right, Darry, knock it off. You've taken it to far now." Soda glared at him through cold eyes and remained at my side, while I shook with rage.

Before I could send a cuss tornado Darry's way, he walked to the door, opened it, and glared at me before slamming it behind him.

My heart tore in two at the way Darry's eyes were. They were filled with hurt, sadness, hopelessness, and pleas of forgiveness.

If I hadn't caused all this, I might have said "I forgive you."

* * *

**That's Chapter 3! I hope y'all like it! :) R&R Please! **

Morningspirit :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Outsiders_. All characters are owned by S.E. Hinton. **

Chapter 4:

Blood and Broken Hearts

Time flew by and before I knew it, I was at that whack-job place for three weeks. It annoyed me that I couldn't leave my room and see Soda or the gang, and no matter how hard I tried to escape this place, someone would find out and I'd be sent right back here. Right back into this never ending, on-going hell-hole. I was heavily guarded, and one in a while a nurse or Dr. Gustine would come in and check to make sure I had taken my anti-depressant pills and eaten, and I would just nod and send them on their way.

_No one cared to come and see me except Soda. He had told his boss at the DX gas station where he worked that he couldn't stay for more than six hours a day because the gas smell would get to his head and make him do crazy things. His boss had believed him and allowed him to work from three in the afternoon till nine at night, and in the meantime he was always here with me, to make sure I was okay and I hadn't done anything stupid. _

_ I guessed Darry had told the gang what had happened. That's why they aren't coming to see me. _

_ They think I'm a useless kid, just like Darry does. _

I finished writing in my notebook for the day and stretched in the chair, my muscles aching from the way I sat for three hours, just writing down my feelings. I looked out my small window, waiting for Soda to come through the entrance of the hospital and come to my room so we could mess around with each other. I finally saw his tall figure step through the front doors, and he made his way down to Room #44, my room.

I noticed he was slightly limping, but I didn't ask any questions as my brother entered my small room, immediately smiling when he saw me. "Hey, Pony." Soda tried to act cheerful, but I could see the pain in his eyes as he walked over to me and hugged me lightly, letting go too quickly and standing back up.

"Hey, Soda," I said with a smile. I noticed a small cut on his chin and a bruise on his arm, and I wondered what had happened- either they got into a rumble, or Darry was taking his anger towards me out on Soda. He sat down on my bed with a small grunt of pain, but quickly covered it up with a cough.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and I blurted, "What happened to you?" I closed my mouth the second the words were out, regretting it instantly as I saw a shadow of pain pass through Soda's eyes.

"Rumble, the usual. You know how it is," He said, and I could tell he was lying to me by the way his voice cracked, choking back the sob that wanted to take place.

"That's not it, Soda. Something went on at home, didn't it?" I said, panic and rage sneaking into my voice.

Soda nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, but nothing big. Darry and I just got into a small fight."

"_A small fight?_ Are you kiddin' me? Look at you, Soda! You're bruised up and in pain! How is that considered a 'small fight'?" I air quoted the last two words, looking my brother in the eye.

Soda shifted uncomfortably on my bed. "Pony, it's okay, really. Darry's just having a hard time with all this-"

"He should've gotten that through his thick skull the first time!"

"Listen to me, Pony. It's nothing, honestly. Darry can't take it anymore. He's been going insane at home, breaking and smashing things, yelling that he wants to die, and…" He trailed off, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans, not meeting my eyes.

"And what, Soda?" I asked, my heart breaking at the next words he said.

"He takes his anger out on everything, including me, Pony." Soda said his once laughing and cheerful brown eyes now full of pain.

Tears formed in my eyes at the thought of Soda being hurt by Darry, but I quickly blinked them away and said, "I'm sorry, Soda… If I hadn't caused all that yesterday-"

The door to my room opened suddenly and Darry stepped through, his eyes blazing like fire. Soda flinched when Darry's eyes found him, and Darry said briskly, "Soda, come on, we're leaving." My oldest brother shot a glare at me as if to say: _Look what you've done to our family. It's your fault all this happened. _"I never thought you'd sink as low as telling Mr. Troubled-Kid here about what's going on!"

"It's his business too, Darry! So shut your trap!" Soda snapped at Darry, and Darry's cold eyes fixed on me.

My oldest brother sauntered over to me and got in my face as he said, "Listen, Ponyboy, you stay away from Soda, or thing's will get ugly." With that, Darry grabbed Soda by the collar of his shirt and hauled him off the bed before shuffling him towards the door, sending a hard and cold glare my way before slamming the door behind him.

I sat there most of the night, before climbing out of bed and sneaking out of the Tulsa Mental Intuition. I made my way towards my house, and walked about ten miles to my house before stopping at the side window near the front yard. I heard screaming and things being broken, and I knew Soda and Darry were fighting. I heard Soda yell, "He has no one except me! I'm the only one who actually bothers to go and see him!" and Darry retort, "Of course you are! You think the rest of us care that he's out of the gang?"

I heard punches being thrown and glass being broken again, and I cringed when I heard a blood-curdling scream erupt from Soda. The walls weren't sound proof, so I could hear everything that was going on. I finally ran out into the front yard, jumped the stairs, and made my way inside yelling, "Knock it-" I couldn't finish my sentence, and fear seized my body instantly.

Lying in a pool of his own blood, his body and face cut up multiple times, was Soda.

And over by the hallway that led to our rooms, looking triumphant was Darry.

* * *

**That's Chapter 4! If you want Chapter 5 by tomorrow, can I please get 2-3 reviews? Thank you!**

Morningspirit :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Outsiders_. All characters are owned by S.E. Hinton. **

Chapter 5:

Demons Inside

I looked from Darry to Soda, unable to move. "What did you do to him!?" I screamed at Darry, my entire body shaking with fear and rage.

A shadow passed through Darry's eyes as he said, "He was being stupid, and so I taught him a lesson."

"Beating my brother up is a lesson? It's more like abuse! You've never done it before, so why do it now?" I yelled, crossing the room and reaching for the phone to dial 911.

Darry slammed the phone back into the holder on the wall as soon as I reached it. I heard Soda cough weakly from the other room and said, "What are you doing? We gotta call someone so Soda can get help!" I reached for the phone again but Darry slapped my hand away with one quick movement and had me pinned to the wall the next.

"You will not tell anyone about this, Kid," Darry said briskly, putting all his weight on the arm that had me pinned up to the wall, I gasping for breath as I struggled against the force of my brother, knowing all good and well he had me pinned there good. "Or things will get ugly. You dig?"

I managed to nod my agreement, and Darry released his grip on my neck and dropped me to the ground. I sat there, coughing and gasping for breath, as my older brother went in the other room to sweep up the broken glass that was all over the floor. I quickly got up, grabbed the phone and dialed 911 all in a matter of seconds. A woman answered and asked me what my emergency was, and I told her what had happened at the house with Darry and Soda.

"Alright, an ambulance is on its way," The woman said after I had told her our address. Just as I was going to thank her, Darry walked in, carrying a dust pan full of broken glass and stared at me, his eyes burning like fire. I froze, panic seizing me like ice, making me unable to move from my spot by the phone holder.

"What're you doin' Pony?" He asked, his eyes flicking from the phone to me in a matter of seconds. The woman on the line was asking me if I was there, and I couldn't answer due to my fear of Darry. "I said, what're you doin', Pony?" Darry asked, harsher this time.

I couldn't answer, and Darry chose that as the time to swing at me. I ducked quickly, missing his fist by about a centimeter. "I was calling for help!" I yelled, running out of the kitchen and into the living room, leaping over Soda who was still on the floor with his eyes barely open and blood still pouring out of his body. I grabbed the closest thing next to me, and memories of the night we had run from home flooded my mind like a wave, more and more of the memories coming each time.

The six-inch switchblade.

The one Johnny had carried in his back pocket since the night he had been jumped.

The one Johnny had used to stab a Soc and kill him.

I stared at it for a short moment before flicking the blade open and aiming it at Darry, who was on the other side of Soda, the savage look in his making him look like a madman. "We don't need help, Ponyboy. Soda's fine, see?" To show his point, he lightly kicked Soda in the ribs, which only made my bleeding and broken brother cry out in agony and turn to face me, his eyes glazed with pain. His face and body were bloody, and he could barely keep his head up to look at me fully.

"Pony…" Soda whispered my name before being overtaken by a rack of coughs, each one sounding more ragged and painful than the last.

I looked at my brother sadly, wishing this hadn't happened. "I'm sorry, Soda…" I said to him, and watched as his eyes bored into mine before they closed and Soda passed out cold. I was enraged and fixed my eyes on Darry, who was looking at Soda with hate-filled eyes. "Look what you've done, Darry," I said, aiming the switchblade at his chest as I came closer to him, making Darry back up slightly with each step I took. I silently wished for the ambulance to hurry its butt up and get here so Soda would be out of this, and so it would just be me and Darry, alone. "You've caused my brother to be half-dead! You're gonna pay, I swear. You're gonna pay… Just like the rest of them will!" I shouted, tears running down my face and I smiled wickedly, making my older brother cringe at my dark and devious smile.

"Pony, please…" Darry pleaded, seeing the way my eyes were crazy looking, seeing the way I was cornering him like a hunter stalking prey.

He would pay.

They would all pay.

I would make sure of it.

I held the blade about an inch away from Darry's chest, glaring at him. "You will pay, Darry… One way or another…" I snarled and laughed at his terrified expression. "That's what happens when you mess with me, my dear brother," I lightly drew the sharp blade over his shirt, right where his heart was as I said, "You end up dead." before flicking the blade back, putting it in my back pocket, and running from the scene.

* * *

**Chapter 5! :) What'll Pony do now, will he go and make a plan to kill Darry and the others, or find a change in heart? You'll have to wait to find out ;) **

Morningspirit :3


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN _THE OUTSIDERS_. ALL CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY S.E. HINTON. **

Chapter 6:

Playing Games

I ran three miles away from my house and finally stopped from lack of breath. I was sweaty and insanely warm, though the cold night air chilled me to the bone every once and a while. I sat down beside a tree trunk, laying my head against the rough bark and trying to calm myself down. I was alone in the bitter cold night, with nothing but a T-shirt and jeans to keep me warm for a couple hours. I wanted my pens so I could cut my pain away, to not feel anything but numbness from the sting of the pen digging into my arms.

I looked up when I heard the siren of an ambulance, and watched as it flew down the road, and I figured it was going to my house. I lay down, tucking one of my arms underneath the other and watched the stars above me, wondering if Johnny or Dally had seen what had just happened from all the way up there. I shifted my weight from one arm to the other and eventually fell asleep.

In my dream, I was laying in an open field. No sign of life around me, just the wind blowing in the trees and the sun shining in my eyes bright enough to make me go blind. I got up, brushed off my jeans, and walked towards an abandoned house that had magically appeared. I didn't know why I was going towards that house, but it seemed to have a magnetic pull to it as I got closer, and I couldn't turn back now, not while I was so close to finding what was inside. The door creaked with age as I opened it, and stepped inside the old house, the sun being the only light source around.

"Don't go outside, little boy…" A voice hissed, and I whipped around, expecting someone to be there with a knife or something, waiting to stab me. There was no one there, just the small sliver of sunlight coming through the window. I quickened my pace and made my way up the stairs, being careful not to put tons of weight on them in fear that someone would be waiting at the bottom of the stairs if I fell through.

"Don't look outside…" The voice had come back, and I whirled around in fear. No one was there again, and my breath quickened at the thought of being killed in my own dream, and possibly being killed on the outside too.

"Who's there?" I yelled to no one particular, and that same voice came back, telling me not to go outside, not to look outside, because someone was coming for me.

"Oh Pony…" A woman's voice whispered and I saw my mother, standing there in a shimmer of golden light, her warm green eyes meeting mine. She smiled at me, and I immediately fell to my knees in wonder and awe at how beautiful my mom was. She spread her arms in a hugging gesture, and I leaped forward and was about to take her in my arms when she disappeared, the blinding light that she had been blanketed in a moment before gone like the wind, never to be seen again.

I blinked, trying to go back in time to that moment, but I couldn't. I continued on my walk in the house, realizing how big it was. I stepped inside a room; the only room not locked in the entire house, and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a shadow pass through it. Two figures appeared, and I realized that they were the two people I could never hurt a day in my life.

My brothers, Soda and Darry.

"Ponyboy…" They both hissed, and I flinched at the way their cold and emotionless eyes bored into mine. "We have come for you…" I reached for the switchblade in my back pocket, only to realize that it wasn't there. I was on the verge of freaking out, and I was about to run when the door to the room suddenly shut, the sound echoing off the walls.

Soda and Darry approached me, moving incredibly slow, but I was too scared of them to move. I was now cornered, stuck in between my two brothers and a wall, no way to escape those emotionless eyes. "Ponyboy… We have come for you…" Soda hissed in my face, his dark brown eyes full of hatred at me.

Both of their eyes turned a sickening black and before they slashed me to bits, Darry hissed, "You are not one of us…"

"Ponyboy! Wake up!" Someone yelled in my ear, and I sat up quickly, instinctively reaching for the switchblade, pulling it out and aiming it at whoever had woken me.

"Easy with the blade, kid," My vision cleared and I saw Steve Randle, Soda's best friend leaning over me with concern in his eyes. "What're you doin' outta the whacky-place?"

"It ain't no whacky-place, stupid," I heard Two-Bit's voice and he came into view right behind Steve. "It's a place for special kids like Pony here." Two-Bit lifted me up by my arm and asked, "How ya been, Pone?"

I knew they were faking it.

They didn't care about me.

No one did, except Soda.

And Soda was half-dying in the hospital right now.

All because of Darry and myself.

I aimed the switchblade at both of them, and they backed up in fear. "Get away, y'all don't care about me," I said and I was suddenly enraged at them for no particular reason. I just needed to get my anger out on someone. "Y'all don't care about no one but yourselves. I'm sure you don't care that I'm out of the gang, so beat it." I flicked the blade out of its compartment, and I saw recognition run through both their eyes at the sharp tool in my hands.

They knew it was Johnny's old blade.

Now that I had it, they were twice as times scared.

Just how I wanted them.

"Get. Away. Now." I said, my eyes flicking from Steve to Two-Bit and back again over and over, wanting them to know I wasn't scared of them.

I wasn't scared of anyone but myself.

In one quick movement, I had Steve pinned to the ground and was cutting his neck with the tip of the blade, not deep enough to kill him, but enough to show him that I wasn't afraid of anybody. I got off of him and dodged Two-Bit's hold on my shoulders quickly and ran, hearing the pounding of footsteps behind me and I knew they were following me. I turned a corner on the street, turned on my heel and ran straight at them, knocking Two-Bit off of his feet and running past Steve so fast that he couldn't grab me in time before I was half way down the street, not looking back once.

Once I was in town and sure they hadn't followed me, I walked to catch my breath from running about three miles. I stopped at a closed TV station, and saw a WANTED sign posted on the pole of a street light, and it read:

_WANTED: _

_Ponyboy Michael Curtis _

_WANTED for: Aggravated Assault _

_REPORT TO POLICE IMMEDIATLEY IF SEEN _

They had my picture and the police station's number, but that was all. There were hundreds of fliers posted all around, and I began to worry if Two-Bit and Steve had found one and they were calling them now to tell police they'd found me. I had been blamed for beating up Soda, and I hadn't even touched my brother that night.

I was blamed for something I didn't do.

I grabbed my switchblade out of my pocket and flipped it up, staring at it in wonder at the way the blade shone under the street light.

My adventure of getting out of this state was about to begin.

I realized I needed to tell someone about my plan, and I knew just the person.

My brother, Sodapop Curtis.

* * *

**Ooo, Pony's wanted... I gotta say, I love this fanfiction. It's the best I've written, and I'm especially thankful towards my reviewers, followers and favoriters! (Don't know if favoriters is a real world...) I thank you all for your support! I hope y'all will stay and follow this story's jourey until the end! **

Morningspirit


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders. All characters are owned by S.E. Hinton.**

Chapter 7:

I ran to the hospital as fast as I could, not caring if it was 10:00 at night. I needed to see Soda so I could tell him my plan to get out of here, and no one was going to stop me from getting what I wanted. Not now, when I was armed and dangerous.

Not ever again.

I entered the hospital and was about to ask someone where Soda's room was when I heard a scream erupt from somewhere off to my left, and I knew it was him. It was the same scream that had come from my brother last night, so it was easy to tell. I ran towards the scream, dodging nurses and doctors that were asking my name and some that help syringes and other tools. I found the room where Soda was and was about to go inside when I was stopped by a man with a doctor's coat on, and I guessed this was Soda's doctor. "And you might be?" He asked, his blue eyes questioning.

"Uhh…" I racked my brain for something other than my actual name, otherwise I'd be sent to the police. I finally blurted out, "Poe N. Y., sir."

"What type of name is that, kid? Sounds like an odd name…" The doctor rubbed his chin like he didn't believe me, and I panicked.

"It stands for Poe Nicholas Yeats, sir." I said, and then mentally slapped myself across the face. Yeats? What type of last name was that?

The doctor paled and stuttered, "Yeats? Are you related to James Yeats? The millionaire scientist?"

Now it was my turn to pale a little bit, but I quickly recovered and said, "Yes, sir. He's my uncle." I felt terrible lying to the guy, but I needed to get in there and see Soda one way or another.

"Your uncle, he…" The doctor studied me for a moment, coughed, and continued. "He left his debit card here the other day. Could you give-"

"Yeah, I'll give it to him," I interrupted him, trying to hurry this up so I could see my brother. "Now, can I please see my friend?"

The doctor stepped aside and let me through. I was glad I'd picked such a stupid name and gratefully went inside Soda's room, stopping dead in my tracks when I saw how he looked. Soda was certainly not himself. He was pale, green, blue, and purple at the same time. He had bruises and scars everywhere, and looked about ready to throw up. He was covered in sweat, yet shaking with cold. He shook every time he took a breath. His weary eyes lit up when he saw me, and he struggled to say my name as I stepped closer to his bedside, my eyes filling with tears at how miserable he looked.

"Pony…" He whispered my name and before he could go further, I lightly put my hand over his mouth.

"Don't talk, it won't help you…" I said, and Soda sighed into my hand letting me know he understood. I took my hand away and dropped it back to my side, sitting on the edge of the bed where he lay, careful not to make skin-on-skin contact. Soda's breathing was ragged, and every time he would shift around in his bed it seemed as though it exhausted him, making him weaker than before. I watched as my older brother coughed and threw up blood every 20 minutes, and each time he would sit back up from leaning over the bed he would become paler than the last time. I sat there, not saying a word, just looking at Soda through tear-filled eyes. "I'm sorry, Soda…" I said; his image was blurred by my river of tears. "If I hadn't told Darry to get out of the Institute, you wouldn't be like this-"

"I did that… In order to protect you…" Soda suddenly piped up, and I wiped my eyes to find him looking at me with sorrow in his dark brown depths. "I couldn't bear to see you hurt like that again…" He trailed off, pausing to cough and close his eyes for a minute before opening them again and continuing. "I never wanted you to be hurt… Like you were when Dally and Johnny died. I didn't want you to go back to that, Pony… All that hurt, all that pain… It was inside you for so long… And I couldn't bear it…" Soda broke down then, all the pain inside of him coming out in those mournful and painful cries. He would cough every now and then, blood spewing out of his mouth and he wouldn't do anything about it, just continued to cry. He suddenly sank back into the pillow that lay behind him, his face paler than pale, and the line of the monitor beside him was going slower than what it usually did. His body convulsed, foam coming out his mouth, his eyes rolled back into his head, and doctors and nurses rushed in, one by one, yelling things I didn't understand. I could only stare at Soda, watching as his body convulsed over and over, before being shoved off the bed and onto the floor, shuffling back against a wall as the doctors and nurses crowded around my brother, hooking things into the wall and screaming demands at one another.

A warm hand suddenly appeared on my shoulder, and I saw a blonde nurse with blue eyes staring at me sympathetically. "Come on, dear," She said, helping me stand up onto my feet and leading me out of the room quietly. "You should go home; we'll take it from here…" She smiled warmly at me, and I could tell she was worried about me from the look in her eyes.

I nodded and she sent me on my way, telling me where to go. I nodded and walked off, quickly turning around and running the second she was gone. I ran into the Institute and into my room, slamming the door behind me. I paced back and forth, sweating and worried for Soda. Was he dead? Was he alive, but slipping away from life? Had Darry hit him so hard that he'd been fainting in and out of consciousness this whole time?

I couldn't answer those questions for anyone, much less myself.

I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, trying to calm down. I wiped my face off with a towel and stared at the mirror, and then jumped back what seemed like thirty feet at the face I saw.

It wasn't my face.

It was Darry's.

"You caused this!" I yelled at the mirror, slamming my fist into it, making it shatter and fall off the wall and onto the ground with a _thump_. I ran out of the bathroom, and searched around in my room for the one thing I always kept in my jacket in case of emergencies. I found it and pulled it out, grateful that it hadn't been taken away yet.

I loaded the gun with bullets, held it to my head, and went back into the bathroom, holding up a large piece of broken glass to show my tear-streaked face.

The last thing I remember was a rush of pain going through my head and my bloody fingers staining the glass I held, feeling my soul detach from my body, and falling into the dark abyss of death that I had awaited for so long.

* * *

**You all probably hate me now... I'm sorry... :( I hope I get some reviews so you can read what happens! If you want Chapter 8, you gotta give me 3-4 or more reviews! Challenge Accepted, my readers? ;) **

Morningspirit :3


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Nightmares Among Us

I awoke in a dark and pitch-black landscape, with nothing around me. I was suddenly taken into another dimension, and I was inside the hospital I had been in hours ago. I looked over to my right, expecting to see Soda lying there, sleeping, but the sheets on the bed were flawless, not a wrinkle in sight. _Holy crap_, I though. _Where am I?_

I took a step towards the door, and it swung open, the doctor I had seen hours before standing there, his eyes blazing with fury. The blonde nurse I had seen was also there, holding a phone to her ear and talking quietly but not so quiet that I couldn't hear. "Yes, Officer. Yes, we know. He's here. Thank you for telling us." All the sympathy that she had for me before was drained out of her voice, making her voice ragged and broken, like glass. She hung up the phone and walked over so she stood beside the doctor and said, "Ah, so wonderful of you to join us… _Ponyboy Curtis._" She hissed the last two words like acid was forming in her mouth.

I froze, wondering how the police had found me so fast. "I-I'm not Ponyboy... I don't even know who the hell that is…" I stammered under the cold glares from the nurse and the doctor. Other people crowded around the door, also glaring at me with the same coldness, and I was suddenly trapped under the weight of those cold and expressionless eyes. Ice ran down my spine like a wave, seizing my body almost instantly. The doctor and nurse made their way inside the room, the people following them like they had been hypnotized. They cornered me against the wall, closing on me so close that I felt trapped. Some of the people hissed my name like venom, hatred clouding their gazes.

The nurse came up to me and put me against the wall, held a blade to my chest, and hissed, "We know who you are, Ponyboy. Tell us what you know, or we'll really make you feel something you won't forget…" I flinched when I felt the blade poking through my shirt, the cold metal lightly tracing over the skin where my heart was.

"I don't know anything!" I yelled, gasping as I felt the cold blade sink a little bit into my skin, close to where my heart was. I cried out, struggling against the force of the nurse. She smiled wickedly, the savage look in her eyes making my blood run cold.

"Oh, don't worry. We'll make you talk, one way or another…" She whispered to me, the softness in her voice so sincere it sounded almost unreal. The nurse pursed her lips in interest, thinking, before raising the blade and was about to stab me when we all turned our attention to two tall figures standing at the door, both of them tense.

"We'll take it from here, miss…" One of them said in a husky voice and they both stepped in the room, and I recognized them the minute I looked at their eyes.

Soda and Darry, all grown up.

They were both dressed in police uniforms, both had a gun pointed at me, their eyes wicked and hardened like gold with determination. The nurse dropped me to the ground and everyone cleared out of the room, leaving me and my brothers' alone. Soda grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me up, holding me there face-to-face with those cold, hard eyes. "You," He said, shaking me roughly to show he was talking about me. "You're under arrest for aggravated assault. How old are you?" When I didn't answer due my pure fear, he loaded the gun fully, pressed it to my head and repeated, "I said, how old are you?"

"Fifteen, s-sir." I stammered, my gaze running from Soda to Darry. I saw the same cold expression towards me in Darry's eyes, but something else was there, something I hadn't seen in my oldest brother's eyes in a long time.

Pure fury, darkness, and hatred danced around my brother's eyes like fire, trying to burn and shatter my soul forever. "Handcuff him, we'll take him down." Darry ordered, and I was twisted around by Soda, my hands behind my back, the sheer cold metal from the handcuffs cutting into my skin like knifes. Soda's hands held mine to my back and he led me out of the hospital, Darry following close behind. They shoved me in a police car, not giving me time to protest until we were driving away, and I watched the place get smaller and smaller until it was no longer in sight.

I was slapped across the face when my eyes shot open, and I realized I had fallen asleep. "Get up, kid," I heard Soda say briskly while Darry grabbed me by my shirt collar and hauled me out of the car, choking me half-dead in the process.

"Gee, way to kill me!" I muttered quietly, but was met with a slap across the face once again, from Darry this time.

"Knock it off, Delinquent, we have business to do." Darry said, shoving me towards the entrance of the police station, he and Soda staying back a couple steps behind me, watching my every move. I shuffled into the station, Darry walking off to talk with some other guys that I guessed were the sheriffs, while Soda led me down the hallway to a cell with no one in it. He un-cuffed me and shoved me inside, closing the door behind him as soon as I stepped into the cell and studying me carefully, as if he couldn't believe a fifteen year-old boy could pull something like this off.

"You know, you look a little young to be pullin' something like this off," Soda said, his eyes wandering around the cell like he had interest in something else besides me.

A sharp bark of "Soda!" from Darry made my brother dip his head slightly to me in a goodbye gesture, turning on his heel and walking away, leaving me sitting in a cold cell with the moon as the only light source.

* * *

I suddenly woke with a jolt, my eyes blurry from sleep. I looked from side to side, waiting to see myself sitting in a cell, with no one around me. All I found was me sitting in a bed, with fear snaking throughout my body, chilling me to the bone.

My nightmares were drained from my mind when I saw a dark figure appear out of the shadows of my room, a blade shining in the moonlight in his hand, aimed at me.

"Well, what do we have here?" The man said and stepped out of the shadows, and I gasped at the face.

It was an evil version of myself.

"Hello, Darkness," I said, my fear subsiding to a friendly tone. "I see we've crossed roads again..."

* * *

**Chapter 8! :D Pony is seeing things! I wonder what Pony will do...? If you want to find out soon, I'm gonna need 3 or more reviews! Hurry, or that chapter won't come so quick, and you'll have to wait longer! **

Morningspirit :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Oustiders_. All characters (execpt the two that are introduced in this chapter) are owned by S. E. Hinton. **

Chapter 9:

Meeting a Runaway

Juat as soon as Darkness had appeared, he was swept away like the wind, gone in a matter of seconds. Even as I stared at the wall for a couple minutes I still felt like I was being watched, stalked, or even hunted by something that wasn't there. I had begun to sweat and pant due to my panic attack that was taking place and bolted out of my room, sprinted down the hallway not caring if I woke anyone. All I cared about was getting out of this place and away from the Darkness that had been haunting me since I had overdosed.

I apparently forgot to stop when I reached the two front doors, because the next thing I knew I was face down on the floor, the wind knocked out of me as if I'd been punched in the gut a thousand times. I got to my feet, stepped up to the doors and tried opening them, and to my frustration kept jiggling the stupid things only to come to realize that they were locked.

And people say I'm the smartest out of my brothers'.

I cussed under my breath and searched around for something small and metal that I could unlock at least one of the doors with. To my success I found an old bobby pin that was on the front desk, sitting there like it was waiting for me. I smiled like I had just won the lottery as I picked up the pin and went to the doors, breaking the bobby pin into two parts and throwing one of them away like it hadn't mattered a day in its life. I began to pick at the lock, grateful I had picked up on how to do this from Soda a couple months back, before I was sent here. I finally heard a small click, and I jiggled the door handle and it swung open, the cool night air buffeting around me, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder and I twisted around in fear, only to realize no one was there. "Pony…" I wanted to believe my mind was playing tricks on me again. I wanted to believe I was dreaming all of this, that I wasn't in an insane hospital and was slowly going insane day after day, only having one of the many people I called family come and visit me. Only now, that person was in the hospital dying and I hadn't done a damn thing to stop all this mess. If I could only wake up from this nightmare, to find Soda okay and everything all fine and dandy, that would be Heaven.

Only in reality I was living in pure and utter Hell.

I quickly ran through the door that I had opened when I heard footsteps coming towards me, and turning around to find out nothing was there again, just my damn imagination. I shook in fear as I continued to run, my mind giving away to the Hell I was in, saying that I shouldn't be alive, people would love it if I were dead, no one, not even Soda would give a shit if I were to die, right here and now; I didn't want my mind to win, I wanted to be able to control my mind, I didn't want to be dragged back into that hole I had been in for three months, each day the hole getting darker, deeper, with me in the middle of it all, just waiting for the day when I would come out of that hole; to rise and be myself again.

If only that day would come soon.

I finally couldn't take it anymore.

The voices had won once again.

I stopped when my lungs were burning from lack of breath, coming face-to-face with the busiest road in all of Tulsa. I smiled to myself. This was the place where I would die, right here and now. This was the place where I would end all my pain and suffering, all gone with just one step out into the busy street, where cars sped past me, not stopping to look at the kid who stood on the sidewalk with a smile on his face. I stepped out and into the street, ignoring the car horns that honked at me and the people screaming for me to get out of the way. I continued to walk at my own pace, wanting to saver this moment for the rest of my life. A car was coming towards me, and I was glad. I turned and looked straight at the car, watching as the driver's eyes opened to find me standing just a few miles away from the hood of his car, waiting for the moment when my life would end once and for all.

"Move it, kid!" I was taken back into reality and was shoved against the softness of grass, the green and terrible tasting stuff getting into my mouth.

"Get off of me!" I said and shoved whoever I had on top of me away, turning my head to see who had saved my life. It was a girl, with crystal-blue eyes and long blonde hair that fell a little past her shoulders, her small figure almost like an angel that had come down from Heaven. She was beautiful, and I fought back the urge to just kiss her right then, not caring if she would have slapped me across the face and called me a creep. I was dumb-struck by her beauty, and I hadn't noticed she had asked me a question until her once sparkling and kind blue eyes turned to ice in a matter of seconds. "I-I'm sorry, what?" I said, trying to look away from her piercing blue gaze.

"I said, what's your name?" Even her voice was soft and kind. _Just like the rest of her._ Aw, hell, what was I thinking? I mentally kicked myself for thinking something like that of someone I barely knew.

"Ponyboy. Ponyboy Curtis." I said, looking at her to find her eyes soft and kind again, like the scene in which her eyes turned cold had never happened. "What's yours?" Golly, she was pretty. I shook my head, trying to clear it of all the lovey-dovey stuff.

She smiled at me warmly before saying, "Kathrynne. Kathrynne Elizabeth Marie White to be exact. But you can call me Kat, everyone else does."

"Who would be 'everyone else'?"

"Why, the other Socs of course! You've never heard of them? They're these stuck up rich kids who think they're _so_ cool, when they're really just bozos who don't have a brain and like to party all night." Kat rolled her eyes at that statement, and I looked at her, my eyes questioning. I looked at her clothes, which were pretty nice to be a Greaser, and I shuffled away from her like she had some type of disease.

"You're… You're a Soc!" I blurted, that being the only thing able to come out of my mouth at the moment.

"Gee, thanks Captain Obvious. Actually, I'm a runaway Soc. I hated being one of those snobs, so I decided to run away without telling anyone." Kat laughed a little at the way I was looking at her like she was some type of freak. Her eyes hardened once more and she got to her and made her way toward me, her hair swaying in the wind. "Listen, kid, you had better not tell anyone that I'm a Soc. I'm trained in some pretty special ways, if you get my drift."

I nodded hesitantly, waiting for her to stab me or something. She looked at me for a moment before turning her attention to some girl who was running towards us. "Damn, Molly, why do you always have to stick with me?" Kat said, glaring at the girl who had now reached us and was panting from lack of breath. It was a girl who looked exactly like Kat, only her eyes were a dark brown like Soda's instead of blue. Her dirty blonde hair fell past her shoulders and down to her waist, making her look like a Goddess. Her eyes were warm and caring, and she had a small frame like Kat, expect her clothes looked more ragged like a Greaser's. I had never seen her before, but in that moment it felt like I had known her forever.

"Sorry, Kat…" Molly said her voice sweet and smooth like honey. "You know how I am, I can never stay with my bozos I call a family anyhow." She looked at me, her warm brown eyes boring into mine. "Why, who is this?" She smiled at me, but I could see fear glinting in her eyes, as if she were waiting for me to jump her.

"His name's Ponyboy. Weird, ain't it?" Damn, Kat might be a Soc, but she could talk like a Greaser. She began calling boys like me no-good-rotten-bastards-who-need-to-shave-every-on e-in-a-while, everything she knew or anything she could make up. She reminded me of Two-Bit, and I saw a devious look in her eyes the way she looked at me when she was finished with her rampage. She held out her hand and helped me to my feet and said, "what's a boy like you doin' out here in the middle of the night?"

I thought about telling her my story, but I thought better of it just in time and said, "I'm just walking. I do this an awful lot. Trying to get away from the hardships of my family." It was true, coming from me. Kat nodded but kept her eyes on me as I walked in between them both, Molly looking at me shyly every now and then. "What're y'all doing out here?" I suddenly asked, and I felt Molly jump slightly at my outburst.

Kat laughed, ruffled my hair a bit and said, "We're running, kid. Running away from Tulsa and out somewhere far away from here, like Texas or some other state. Anything to get out of here we'll do, right Molly?" I heard a whimper of agreement from Molly on my right and listened to Kat's plan on how to leave without getting caught.

"So, wanna come with?" Kat asked and turned to me when she was finished, the devious look in her eyes back once more. She had told me on how we'd sneak up an alleyway and take a train to Moore, where we would act inconspicuous and like any normal teenagers, while trying to hide our faces from the cops as well. I thought it was a pretty good plan, and seeing the way Molly looked at me with hope as if I could keep them both out of the slammer, I smiled.

My mind was suddenly filled with images of Soda lying in the hospital, not knowing where I was or where I was going.

But in that moment I didn't care.

My true adventure of getting out of this state was about to begin, and it started with three simple words. "Sure, why not?"

* * *

**I'm so mean all my reivewers :( I made something epic/sad/suspenseful happen, and I didn't even tell y'all what it was about... And for that I'm truly sorry! **

**Kat and Molly are based off of my two real-life best friends and two of my reivewers, Stormsong7 and Cheeseball13. They'll stay in the story for the entire rest of it until it comes to an end... WHICH WON'T BE FOR AWHILE, so don't worry your pretty little heads about it :) **

**Anyone desperate to read Chapter 10? Well, you know what to do! REVIEW! I got so many good reviews last time! I will need at least 4 or more reviews this time! Challenge Accepted yet again, my readers? ;) **

Morningspirit :3


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Outsiders._ All characters (except Molly and Kat) are owned by S. E. Hinton. **

Chapter 10:

Running

We ran on the outskirts of Tulsa, careful not to be seen when cops came around. I was wrapped in memories the entire time, images of Johnny and the time we had run away flooding my mind, never seeming to stop. We finally came to an old abandoned building that looked like no one had been in it for years, and I was glad that I could finally sit down and rest after a few hours of discussing what we were going to do and then finding a place to stay.

I was about to go inside when Kat shoved past me. "Ladies first, didn't anyone teach you that?" She opened up the door and made her way inside, making no effort to see if we were following.

I stepped aside to let Molly through, thinking she would also shove past me and send me the same glare Kat had. She shook her head. "You go second," She said, her kind and soft voice drifting in the air around me. I smiled at her to show my thanks and went inside, looking back to make sure Molly had followed. She quietly closed the door behind her and we both scouted around, trying to find Kat, and we finally found her in the way back of the building, sitting beside a lantern.

"Well, this'll have to do," Kat said, looking at the lantern with disgust. "Someone will have to go and buy us some food. I ain't got any cash. Anyone got some?"

"No, I don't," I said and looked at Molly, expecting her to pipe up and say that she had some. She just shook her head, indicating she didn't have any on her.

"Well ain't that wonderful…" I heard Kat mutter under her breath sarcastically. Molly sat down beside Kat while I sat on the other side of the lantern, the light from it casting an eerie glow on both the girls' faces. Molly was shivering like a tree branch in the wind while Kat sat still, staring at me intently like she wanted to say something.

"To pass time, why don't we share how we got in this mess?" Kat said, her crystal-blue eyes flicking from Molly to me. "Molly, you can go first." She elbowed Molly lightly, but Molly jumped and screamed. She reminded me of Johnny; always jumpy and always scared. I looked at Molly and smiled, giving her courage to tell her story. She smiled a little and sighed, and began to tell us her story of how she got into this predicament. She told us how her parents always told her she was useless and that she should have never been born, how her younger siblings called her unwanted.

"I didn't want to live that life anymore…" Molly said when she was finished. "I then met Kat and we were best friends from the start…" She looked at Kat and smiled at her, but Kat's eyes reflected wisdom as she told us her story, not caring about Molly's past.

"My mom divorced my dad and he took my younger brother. My mom got to keep me, and I hated it. She's so strict, always telling me what to do, always ordering me around like some type of pet. I got tired of learning manners and French and Spanish all that stuff. My friends were only so because I had a lot of money, and they would always ask me to buy them things whenever we'd go somewhere. It sucked, and I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to run away." Kat's shoulders shook a little and I realized she was crying softly. Molly moved towards her, but as soon as she did that the lantern suddenly went out, leaving us in the pitch-black building terrified.

I heard a shriek and felt someone's arms wrap around me and cling to me like it was their job. I felt them trembling under me and I held them close, trying to calm whoever this was down. I saw a shadow pass through the room, and I cringed. The shadow was tall and it looked like a girl, and I suddenly wondered where Kat and Molly were. "Oh calm down, I found something." A light appeared before me and I saw Kat holding a candle, the light from it bright enough that you could see across the room. I looked next to me and saw Molly still clinging to me, her eyes closed, but once she knew there was light in the room she looked up at me with something other than fear.

Molly jumped back suddenly and out of the safety of my arms, her eyes wide. "Oh gosh! I-I'm sorry Ponyboy… I didn't mean to do that…" She stammered, realizing her mistake.

Kat must've noticed the tension between us and said, "So, Pony, what'd you do to end up like this?" I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood, and although it didn't help much, I got the courage to tell them my entire story. From my overdose until now, I told them everything that had happened, leaving out the part about Soda for my own safety. Kat didn't believe me, and she accused me of lying and stormed off, leaving Molly and I sitting next to each other alone.

"What happened to your brother?" I was taken aback by Molly's sudden question. "You can tell me… I won't tell Kat…" I looked into Molly's eyes and saw pure trust and loyalty in them, and I felt as though I were on top of the world in that moment. Her long dirty blonde hair fell into her eyes, making her look like a sad little puppy. I laughed at myself at the way I felt safe with her. I couldn't have feelings for Molly, not when we'd just met! My mind was filled with mixed emotions towards Molly, towards Kat, towards myself.

I finally couldn't take it any longer. I removed her long blonde hair away from her face, tucked it behind her ear, and kissed her.

And to my surprise, she kissed me back.

When we broke away from each other, both of us were smiling. She pressed her forehead against mine and we just sat there, staring into each other's eyes and smiling without a care in the world.

I felt something inside of me bloom like a flower, and I realized something.

The Darkness I had been in for so long was gone.

* * *

**Awe! Molly + Pony = OMGGZZZ CUTENESS! Sorry I only updated one chapter last night, it was my Mom's burthday and I didn't get home til 8:30 at night and then I had to clean my room and such. **

**Anywayyy, wanna see what happens in Chapter 11? REVIEW! :D **

Morningspirit :3


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Outsiders._ All characters (Except Molly and Kat) are owned by S. E. Hinton. **

Chapter 11:

Escape

"Wake up! It's the cops!"

I awoke to the harsh scream of Kat and the wails of police sirens. I sat up groggily, my arms and legs sore from sleeping on the cold hard floor of the old building. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and asked, "What time is it?" I looked around for Molly and found her next to me, still asleep. Or at least it looked like she was asleep.

"It's 2 in the morning, stupid! Get up, wake Molly up and let's move! We don't have much time!" Kat yelled, pacing back and forth and looking out the window to make sure the cops weren't coming close to where we were. I could tell she was nervous; she must have never been on the run before, whereas I had.

I lightly shook Molly and said, "Molly, get up, we gotta move…" She didn't budge. I shook her again, harder this time, and she still hadn't woken up. "Kat…" I said, panic creeping into my voice. She came over to me and shook Molly harder than what I had, and Molly still wouldn't get up. I began to worry; what the hell could be wrong with her?

"Oh well. Pick her up, we gotta go!" Kat yelled at me and motioned for me to get Molly before storming out of the room, her eyes like ice. I stared at Molly for a minute before taking her in my arms, surprised how light she was. I heard the cop sirens getting closer; Kat was right: We had to leave, now. I ran to catch up with Kat, Molly swaying in my arms like a leaf, her eyes closed and her not breathing. I began to panic even more, images of Johnny and Dally's death running through my mind as I fought to keep up with Kat, my breathing hitched and ragged. "Here," Kat breathed. We had come to a door in the very back of the building, with no handle. "Shit…" Kat muttered under her breath and looked around for something to break the door with.

I couldn't help her because I still had Molly in my arms; I wanted her to wake up and be okay. I wished I didn't have to do this, to run away and possibly never come back. I wanted to be with Soda, with Molly, with anyone that could help me get out of this mess. But I had to do this; I had to get away from it all. I had to get away from Tulsa. I needed to stop worrying about the past and worry about the future.

Except I was far from the future.

Kat finally found a rock and chucked it at the door, breaking it easily. As it fell to the ground, a tall dark silhouette appeared, rain streaming down him like a river; Thunder boomed and lightning flashed, allowing us to see the silhouette. I stood there, rigid with shock, as I saw his face.

Soda. He was here!

But why?

He stepped inside, looking around for me. My eyes met his and he smiled relief and love passing through his eyes at the sight of me alive. Kat stared at Soda through eyes like slits, though they had lost their icy edge; now they were staring at my brother with awe. "Pony!" Soda said with joy and stepped toward me, only to find Molly still in my arms so I couldn't hug him. "Uhh…" He looked from Molly to Kat to me. "Who're the chicks?" Kat smiled from where she sat perched on top of an old box, watching for cops and looking at my brother at the same time.

"Molly," Kat said, pointing to where Molly lay in my arms, still not breathing. "And I am Kat. Look, Mister Hot Guy, we don't have much time here. Cops are after us." Soda smiled at the 'Mister Hot Guy' part, and I rolled my eyes at him; He should be used to it, he got it all the time at the DX. He reached for Molly and I guessed he wanted to take her so I would be able to run from the cops if they caught us, and I recoiled, glaring at him and putting Molly to my chest protectively.

Soda got my gesture and said, "Well little man, come on. If you three don't wanna get caught, come with me." He winked at Kat and me and led the way outside, the two of us following. We were soaked within a matter of seconds of stepping outside. We bolted into a run, trying to make it towards Soda's car that I didn't even know where he got without getting shot down by the cops.

I was already inside the car when the police began shooting at us. I looked over at where Molly lay in the backseat beside me, while Kat and Soda sat up front. One of the bullets missed Soda by about a centimeter, and he cursed under his breath and grabbed a couple black things out of the drop box in the front of the car, handed one to Kat and I and yelled, "Roll down the windows and shoot!" I realized they were guns.

"Hell yes!" I heard Kat yell excited and wasted no time rolling down the window and shooting the living daylights out of that gun. I reluctantly rolled down my own window and began shooting, watching the cop cars get smaller and smaller until they were out of sight. "Maybe I should drive- you obviously don't know how too." Kat remarked at Soda, and I heard Soda chuckle.

"Oh, and I suppose you know how too?" Soda shot back with laughter in his voice.

"Well, I am a girl."

"And that's supposed to make you a better driver?"

"Yes. Now give me the stupid wheel!"

"Naw, I'm already driving!"

"Just pull over and switch with me!"

"Nah, I'm too lazy!" I drowned them out when I felt something stir beside me in the backseat.

Molly opened her eyes slowly and well… I screamed, "MOLLY!" like a madman. She fixed her beautiful brown eyes on me, then Kat, and screamed when she saw Soda up in front, looking back at her from the rear-view mirror. "Who the hell are you?!" She screamed, backing up against me in comfort.

"I'm Soda, Pony's older brother." Soda said, smirking at me from where he sat in the front. I smiled at him and looked through Kat's side mirror and saw a rise of water coming towards us, and the winds had picked up a lot. I guess I had been so wrapped up worrying about Molly I hadn't noticed the hurricane coming towards us.

"Holy crap!" I heard Soda yell and speed up the car, jerking all four of us back against the seats. Kat screamed and Molly clung to me once again, and I held her back, not looking at the monstrous storm coming our way. Our car was suddenly pulled up in water and wind, and all of us screamed and were trying to unlock the doors and get out, but they didn't move because of the force of the water around the car.

I heard someone scream my name and the rush of water pressure around me. I saw Molly's terrified face and felt her hand slip from mine before my world erupted into complete and utter darkness.

* * *

When I awoke, I was shivering with cold and sopping wet. The wind was still strong, but nothing more. I sat up shakily, my muscles screaming in protest and making me land back on the ground with a thump. I couldn't move at all, it felt like I was held in place by the imaginary water pressure around me. I turned my head to see Soda and Kat lying on the ground with Soda's arms wrapped around Kat's waist, Kat's chest barely moving. Kat suddenly breathed and began to cough up water, and I sighed gratefully, glad that she was okay.

The gratefulness I felt for Kat was gone in an instant as I remembered the one person who wasn't with us.

Molly.

* * *

**Okay, don't be flaming me if I didn't get the hurricane part right... I know tornadoes come through Oklahoma, but I wanted something different. So, I had a hurricane come through! I was really disappointed about the reviews I got today.. I didn't get as much as I wanted.. Oh well! Now's the time to regain them! **

Morningspirit :3


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders. All characters (Except Kat and Molly) are owned by S. E. Hinton.**

Chapter 12:

Missing

Soda's P.O.V

I awoke to my head hurting like utter hell. My first thought: Pony. Kat. Food. Water. HOLY SHIT WE'RE NOT DEAD!

Okay, maybe more than one thought.

I noticed my arms were wrapped around Kat's waist, and memories of hours ago came flooding back like the hurricane; Pony and Molly being separated, Molly screaming Pony's name just before she went under, Pony trying to get to her and it not working. Kat and I clinging to each other, Kat burying her face in my neck while my arms were around her, shielding her from the powerful force of the water. Pony's agonizing scream as Molly went under, never to be seen again. I grabbing Pony just before he was swept away as well, all three of us going under water, thrashing and trying to break to surface.

I groaned as my head pounded with the memories and I felt myself sinking back into the cold blackness waiting for me.

* * *

When I woke again, I heard someone coughing and turned to see Kat awake, her body convulsing as she coughed up mouthful after mouthful of water, it making a puddle in front of her. I sat up groggily, and she turned her blue eyes on me for a moment before closing them as her body heaved and she threw up water once more. I looked past her to see Pony awake as well, he rocking back and forth like a madman. "She's dead… Molly's dead… It's my fault… My entire damn fault!" He yelled to the sky, tears running down his face as he looked at me with a wild look in his eyes.

I got up shakily and walked over to my younger brother, noticing the way he cringed as I came closer to him. "Pone, it ain't your fault. You couldn't help it." I said, trying to comfort him as best I could.

The wild look was back in his eyes as he turned away from me and said, "I deserve to be dead. The voices were right all along…" Tears formed in my eyes at the thought of Pony dead, but I shook the thoughts away and placed my hand on his shoulder, watching as he was overtaken by sobs.

"Damn right it was your fault!" I turned to see Kat running towards Pony at full force, her eyes murderous and violent. As she was about to lash out at Pony, I grabbed her by her waist and held her against me, feeling her struggle and cursing as she tried to fight her way out of my arms.

"Easy, Kat, easy…" I said as she trashing around in my hold, screaming accusations at Pony which only made him cry harder. "It's not helping him…" I whispered in her ear, she finally calmed to the point where I could let go of her but placed my hands at her waist in case she tried to punch my younger brother. "It's not helping anyone." I said, looking Kat in the eye and seeing the way she relaxed against me I knew she felt the same way I felt about her.

Pony turned to face both of us, his eyes burning with loss and agony. "I lost her… I lost the one thing I loved… Just like Dally lost Johnny!" He yelled and threw his fist on the ground multiple times, tears streaming down his face. I felt bad for my younger brother; I hadn't known he loved Molly, and I was happy he finally knew what love was.

Kat's P.O.V:

I watched Soda go and find some twigs from around the giant patch of land we were on. He had told me to keep an eye on Pony, and which I did. I tried to go over and sit by him, only to have Pony looked at me with a wild look in his green eyes. I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to sit right next to him, ignoring the way he told me to go away. "I'm not goin' away…" I said as I plopped down on the ground next to him, wrapping one of my arms around his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"You should go help Soda…" Pony said through the sobs that were taking over his body, and I watched as he clenched and unclenched his fists over and over, trying to get himself to calm down. I smiled and removed a tear that was falling down his cheek; his eyes that were tear-stricken making him look like a sad little puppy.

"I told you before, Pony. I'm not leaving you. Not when you're like this…" I looked into his eyes and saw pure grief and loss in them, and I felt tears welling in my own eyes at the thought of my best friend dead somewhere.

"I just wanna die… I need to die… I need to be with Molly…" Pony whispered loud enough for me to hear. I hugged him and heard footsteps coming closer to where Pony and I were. I turned to find Soda standing there, a bunch of sticks in his hands, the expression on his face betrayed.

"Y'all gettin' a little close there, aren't we?" Soda threw the sticks to the ground next to me and stormed off. I hugged Pony for a moment and left him there, staring into nothing as I went to follow Soda.

"Soda! Please! We need to talk!" I yelled when I found him sitting down a few miles where Pony and I were a moment before. I ran to him and sat down, sitting close enough so that our knees were touching. He looked at me with pain in his dark brown eyes, and I felt tears forming once again at the thought of Soda being hurt because of me.

"Just go… Be with my brother… That's what you want, isn't it?" He looked at me again and I felt his pain as if it were my own. "You want Pony to yourself. You don't feel the same way I do about you!"

I was crying now. "I-I'm sorry Soda… He just seemed so out of it… I only hugged him to give him reassurance! It doesn't change the way I feel about you!" I yelled, hot tears running down both of our faces.

Soda turned to me, his dark brown eyes boring into my crystal-blue. "You don't know anything about love, do you? You haven't noticed me at all since we met!"

"Yes I have! Soda, listen-"

"No! Just go and be with Pony!"

"Please-"

"I said no!" Soda roared, his eyes burning with betrayal, hurt and rage all at the same time. I get up and kick dirt in his face as I storm off, careful not to let my tears fall until I was several steps away from him.

I suddenly felt two strong hands on my waist and turned around to see Soda standing there, his eyes dancing and playful as he says, "You know, I hate it when beautiful girls cry." I laughed for a short moment before his lips were on mine, and my world erupted from grief and loss to feeling safe and complete. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me as his hands came up from my waist to wipe away the tears of happiness that were streaming down my face like a river.

"I feel like I'm gonna fall over, Soda. That was amazing." I said breathless once we broke away from each other and just stood there, staring at each other lovingly.

He smiled, kissed me again and said, "Don't worry, Kat. I'll catch you."

* * *

**OOOO! Now Soda + Kat = OMGZZ CUTENESS! :) Alright, if you love both of the pairings (SodaXKat, PonyXMolly) leave a review explaining why! :) Can I please get 3 or more reviews? **

Morningspirit :3


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm really sorry for the late update guys! This chapter was really hard to make and I hope it's up to par with the other chapters! **

**I do not own _The Outsiders_. All characters (Except Kat and Molly) are owned by S. E. Hinton. **

Chapter 13:

Lost in the Mind

Pony's P.O.V

_ I had lost her. _

_ I had lost Molly. _

_ The one thing I loved and cared for. _

_ She slipped away from me, in both my mind and my life. _

_ I failed her. _

_ I needed to die. I needed to be saved from my madness again. _

_ And with Molly not here, I was a shadow of my happy-go-lucky self. _

As I sat there, thinking and crying at the same time, I realized part of me wanted to Molly and hopefully find her alive. I got up from where I had been sitting for the last hour or so and walked towards the spot where Kat had run off after Soda. When I reached them, I noticed they were kissing, and not the OMG-you-two-should-be-together-forever type kissing, I mean almost full on make out. "Holy shit Soda! I never knew you could do that!" I yelled which made them jump back from each other.

Soda scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Never mind that. How long have you been here?"

"A while." I laughed as Soda got red and Kat got pink, both of them looking at the ground in embarrassment. "I want to find Molly, guys. I need to hold her in my arms again." I watched as Soda took a breath to speak and quickly used it as a grunt when Kat elbowed him in the ribs.

"Molly IS alive," Kat said shooting Soda a glare from cold eyes. "We just don't know where. Perhaps not very safe, but alive. If I know Molly, it's that she's quite good at handling situations like this…" Soda nodded, showing agreement. I figured my brother would take her side and I smiled at the fact- He really did love Kat, just as much as he loved Sandy.

"I feel gross- I'm sweaty, I'm hot-" Kat started to complain when she was interrupted by Soda.

"Indeed you are…" Soda said dreamily, only to be shoved affectionately by Kat.

"Shut up, you know what I meant." She couldn't help but smile as she looked at where Soda was lying on the ground acting dead. "Get up, we need a plan."

Soda cleared his throat. "Well first off: How we gonna get anywhere?"

"Easy, we get a car." Kat said simply.

"We ain't got no money!" I suddenly remembered the debit card I had received in the hospital when I went to visit Soda. I fished around in my back pocket and finally found it, pulled it out and watched Soda's and Kat's eyes grow wide at the sight of it. Soda came by me and took the card in his hands. "Where the hell did you get this, Pony?"

"Uh… Somewhere?" I blurted.

"What kind of somewhere? Don't lie to me, Ponyboy. You know I hate when people lie." Soda stared at me like I was crazy.

"When I went to see you in the hospital- I had to lie and fake my name…" I stammered and suddenly both Soda and Kat's eyes were turned towards me, interest burning in their depths.

Soda crossed his arms over his chest, the card still in his hands. "Go on, I have to hear this."

I told them the entire story of how I got in this mess. I even told them about stabbing Steve and running from Two-Bit and him when they were chasing me. I told them everything- even the part about Darry beating Soda and I being blamed for it. I was crying as I told that part, all my emotions taking over my body. I was shaking with fear as Soda's eyes got wide and burned with rage when I talked about Darry beating him up- I was afraid he would lash out on me or take his anger out on Kat.

"That asshole!" Soda snarled, his dark brown eyes seething with rage. "Why in the hell would he blame his kid brother for beating his other kid brother?" I flinched when Soda said 'kid brother.' It was the nickname Darry used to call both of us when he was upset at me, which was every day. Soda saw the recognition in my eyes and said, "Oh, sorry Pone. I didn't think…"

I nodded, letting him know it was an accident and I knew he didn't mean it.

Kat nudged Soda on the arm. "Well, if we're gonna get somewhere by the time the sun goes down, then we'd better hurry." She pointed to where the sun was beginning to sink in the sky.

All three of us nodded and started running, Kat's hair whipping in her face and behind her. We ran for two miles, walked three more miles, and then finally came to a small town. I was tired, hungry, and exhausted by the time we got to the little bank on the other side of town. "This must be the place," Kat said and stepped through the front door, Soda and I following soon after. Inside, there were a whole bunch of people- from people doing deposits to the bankers themselves. Kat walked up to an open banker and asked, "May we please get some extra cash?" The man stared at her for a moment, asked her what her information was and within a minute Kat was walking back to us with two handfuls of money.

"That settles that, now doesn't it?" She asked, wagging her eyebrows at Soda and me. I rolled my eyes while Soda smiled at her.

We started to walk out, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a girl with dirty-blonde hair. I stared at her, wondering and hoping it was Molly. I shot forward, grabbed the girl's shoulder and turned her around, hoping to Molly's familiar dark brown eyes. But instead I saw dark blue, and I got a hollow feeling inside of me and the small sliver of hope I had of finding Molly shriveled up into a ball and burned. I backed away from the girl slowly, feeling as though my insides were being torn in two by the amount of pain I felt in that moment. I screamed and ran out of the bank, running towards the little gun store they had (apparently people like guns here…), grabbed the first gun I saw, paid for it and ran back out and down the street, Soda and Kat yelling my name and telling me to stop.

They couldn't stop me now.

No one could save me from my mind now.

I was too overcome by grief, anger, hurt, and betrayal to feel anything for anyone.

I shot people down, tears running down my face. I shot people dead, feeling nothing for them.

I turned on my own brother and shot his girlfriend in the leg, feeling nothing for her.

I put the gun to my own head and pulled, feeling nothing for myself.

* * *

**Before you say ANYTHING, let me explain. **

**I had Pony do this again because he is overtaken by grief and loss at the thought of Molly being dead that he wanted to die in order to be with her. **

**Just wait until Chapter 14 ;) There'll be something exciting! **

**REVIEW PLEASE! **

Morningspirit :3


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

Shadow in the Mist

I awoke in a car that smelled heavily of perfume. "Ugh, what the hell is that?" I groaned as I sat up.

"Damn it Pony." Kat said from the wheel.

"Pony!" Soda practically screamed with joy when he saw I was awake.

"Shut it, Soda." Kat ordered.

"She's kinda ticked that you shot her, Pony," Soda informed me in a whisper. "The bullet didn't daze her for long, though. She went into the gun shop and got on of those bullets that knock you out and used it on you. That's the rush of pain you must have felt." Kat said something about good riddance and took a hard turn.

"I heard about a gang that way too. They might know where to find Molly." At the mention of Molly, I sat up fully, my eyes hopeful.

I smelled the air around me and sneezed. "Did you have to spray so much perfume?"

Kat laughed. "Yeah, get's the guy smell out of my car. It's called Paris Armour, to be exact." She glanced back at us for a moment before giving the finger to the guy behind us who had honked at her.

"Don't you think there was a nicer way to tell him to fuck off?" I asked.

"Nah, that's not fun."

"Didn't you say something about Molly?" I suddenly asked. Kat and Soda shared a glance but remained silent.

I saw Kat turn a little red. "Um… No we didn't, Pony."

"Yeah you did."

"No we didn't!"

"Yes you did!" I protested. Soda flicked me on the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for?" I asked, rubbing the spot where he had flicked me.

"Just for being you." He said with a smile, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"You know for guys, you two fight like girls." Kat remarked as she loked back at Soda and I who were taking turns flicking each other and saying, "I didn't do it.."

"We do not!" Soda and I both said in unison and laughed at how childish we sounded. In aggravation, Soda began flicking Kat on the back of her head making her grumble each time and try to throw him by ramming him into the car door by turning sharply on purpose. I stifled a laugh as Soda began to poke Kat's face, making her slap hios hand away each time.

"Quit it! I'm trying to drive!" She couldn't help but laugh as Soda flew into me when she turned too sharp by 'accident'.

I suddenly saw a black shadow pass through the mist outside, sending chills throughout my body. "Stop the car!" I yelled.

"What for?" Kat asked, but I was already out of the car and running towards the shadow, hoping it was Molly.

"Pony!" Soda and Kat both yelled across the mist, but I pretended not to hear them and continued to run, stopping for nothing. _It has to be Molly… It just has to be… _I thought desperately.

"Pony! Come back here!" I heard Soda yell, but I couldn't turn back now. I was too far in the mist to the point where I could barely see an inch in front of me. It began to rain, the ice cold water soaking me in seconds. I ignored the way I was shivering like a leaf, because that didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was finding that shadow and hoping to see Molly in its place instead of blackness.

I turned a corner and that's when I saw her. Molly.

My Molly.

At first, it looked like she was dead, because although her eyes were open, she was staring into nothing; like there was something there no one else could see but her. Waiting… Waiting to die…

Her eyes flickered towards me, and she gasped and tried to call out my name, only to scream in terror as two men came out of the trees, one of them holding a gun. I swiftly hid behind a tree, out of their eyesight, aware of what was going on. The man with the gun loaded it and pushed it up to Molly's head. "Give us the money, kid," He said in a low, husky voice. The other man, who looked about 25 and had a switchblade clutched in his hand, his eyes glittering with something unreadable.

I tried to run for it, but the next thing I knew I was being shoved back against the trunk of a tree, two men in front of me and one of them holding a blade straight across my throat.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter is so short :/ It's a filler chapter, if you couldn't tell by the crappy writing. Please review if you still like this story, even though I'm sure no one will after this suckish chapter! **

**Oh, I changed my name to Rawr-I'm-A-Turtle now :) **

Rawr-I'm-A-Turtle


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi guys! Okay, so I'm glad my writer's block didn't last that long! :) Here's Chapter 15! Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders. All characters (except Kat, Molly, Zach, and Luke) are owned by S. E. Hinton. **

**A.N: Zach and Luke are only in Chapter 15. This book will probably end at 18-20 chapters, though I'm not sure! ;) **

Chapter 15:

Switching Places and Cold Blackness

"Pony!" I heard Soda call, but I couldn't answer due to the blade held at my throat, and for being pure and utterly terrified.

"C'mon, kid!" The guy who held the knife growled. "Give us the money, or Little Pretty here gets it…" I saw the man with the gun beside Molly, holding it against her head, fully loaded. Kat and Soda found us then, both of them panting; I guessed they had been running once they noticed I wasn't coming back after 15 minutes.

"What the…" Soda breathlessly said as he looked at the two guys that were holding us hostage. Kat looked from Molly, to the guys and to me for several minutes before realizing what was going on.

"What do you want, Zach?" Kat said to the man with the knife, and he laughed; one of those big laughs that could ruin your eardrums if you listened too long. I cringed at the way he smiled before turning to look at her, his eyes glittering with hostility.

"Nice to see you too, Kat," Zach said, chuckling. He looked at Soda and said, "Who's this, your boyfriend?" I watched as Kat shared a look with my brother, as if to tell him to stay out of the way if things got ugly.

"What are you doing with them?" Kat asked, trying to seem calm and not on the verge on panic.

"You mean these little punks?" Zach jerked his head back to indicate Molly and me.

"No, I mean the trees. Yes, the kids, stupid!" I could tell Kat was getting annoyed and tired of playing this game.

Zach smirked at Kat. "See, we need some money to pay off a friend for… Well, let's just say special purposes. We need some now; you got any?"

"No, we don't."

"Well then, unfortunately your little buddies here are gonna be killed." Zach fake sighed and turned back to me, smiling wickedly. He looked past me to where Molly and the gunner were, and he nodded.

I waited for the sound of a gunshot, but it never came because Kat yelled, "Wait! What if we swap?"

Zach and the gunner looked at her, interested in her idea. Kat was on the verge of crying as she said, "Let them go… and take me instead." I saw Soda look at her like she had just grown wings, and even I looked at her like she was crazy.

"No, Kat… I won't let you! If you go, I go!" My brother said from where stood beside her, fear passing through his dark brown eyes.

"I'll be fine, Soda. You want your brother to live, don't you?" She said, tears running down her face. She reached into her back pocket and pulled something out: a switchblade. She flicked out the blade and stared at it, making sure Zach and his friend weren't looking. She turned back to Zach, the blade now safely back in her pocket. "Well?"

"Luke," Zach called to the gunner. "Should we?" They shared a look and when Luke nodded in agreement, Zach released me from his hold, satisfied. I sat there, coughing and gasping for air as I watched Kat be taken from Soda's side, my brother promising he'd find her one day. I ran to where Molly was, sitting on the ground trembling in fear. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet, telling her to run and to not stop until we were far away from here.

We started running towards Soda, who was swearing at Luke and Zach, calling them every name in the book. "Run, we'll catch up." I told Molly and she nodded, her eyes wide in fear. I made sure she had run before grabbing Soda's arm and tugging, wanting to get out of here as fast as possible. "Come on, Soda! We don't have time for this!" I yelled, hoping my brother would snap out of his trance. He looked at me with pain in his eyes, as if he didn't want to leave, but he nodded and took off running out of there, me following close behind.

We caught up to Molly when we were about three miles away from the forest. Soda was pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself while I told him to calm down and that we'd find Kat sooner or later. "No we won't! And it's your fault if she dies, Pony!" Soda yelled, his anger and loss clear in his voice. I hated myself for causing my brother pain; I knew he was probably thinking of how Sandy had left him without telling him, and this was probably ten times worse. I reached out to touch Soda's shoulder, trying to comfort him, but he turned away, glaring at me with cold anger. "You caused this," He suddenly turned on Molly. "If you hadn't been so stupid to allow those guys to catch you, Kat would still be here! I wish you would've died on the night of that hurricane, and then we wouldn't be in this mess!"

Molly got to her feet and slapped Soda across the face, hard. "How do you think I feel, Greaser? I lost my best friend, the only one I could depend on, the one I called family! You think you have it bad? Imagine being called useless, unwanted, unloved, everything in the book by your own family! By your own siblings! Imagine not wanting to live on this planet anymore, wanting to die so you could escape your pain? There are many people in this world that have lost many, and it's not just you Soda! I have lost many: My mother, my father, and my siblings. Even myself. So you can just shut the hell up about Kat, because if you don't I'll go insane!"

_Hear that, Pony? _

_ You're useless. _

_ You're unloved. _

_ You're unwanted by all. _

_ No one cares about you, they're pretending. _

_ Just die; no one will care… _

The voices. They were back.

I screamed, falling to the ground under the weight of the names, of the pain I felt inside of me. "Leave me be!" I yelled to the voices, wishing to God they'd leave me alone just one time.

_You're unloved. _

_ You're useless. _

_ No one cares about you… _

I got to my feet and ran, not caring about Molly or Soda screaming my name and telling me to come back.

I ran from everything in that moment in time.

I ran away from the voices.

I ran away from my brother.

I ran away from myself.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry this chapter took so long to post, I was really busy throughout the week and weekend... But it's here now! Enjoy! **

**Molly does not appear in this chapter. This is all Soda and Pony stuff. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders. All characters (except Molly and Kat, who do not appear in this chapter) are owned by S. E. Hinton. **

Chapter 16:

A Time of Great Sorrow

I ran for several miles, not caring about anything. I was too busy trying to escape myself. I finally stopped from lack of breath and leaned against a tree, panting heavily. _What the hell am I doing? I don't even know where I am! _I thought, looking around at the dim sun-lit landscape, which consisted of mostly trees and a cliff about five or six feet in front of me. I sat there for a good hour, just thinking and staring at something no one else could see.

"There you are," I heard my brother's voice and raised my head to look at him. "Thought you jumped off of that cliff over there, to you know…" Soda trailed off, looking me in the eye sorrowfully. His gaze flicked around the area where we both stood, neither of us speaking, just listening to the silence that stood between us like a third person. His eyes looked distant, as if he were replaying everything that had happened to us.

"Yeah, I get it…" I said taking a moment to shove my hands in my pockets, trying to clear the thick and never-ending fog out of my mind. I avoided Soda's eyes by staring at a tree for a long while, but eventually that didn't work and I had to look at him. I saw the loss and pain in his eyes and it hit me; my brother was lost without Kat, and he looked as if his world had just ended. I saw Soda's knees buckle and him fall to the ground, screaming Kat's name over and over again with tears running down his face.

I felt a hand grab my neck and hold me against the tree, looking up from the ground below me to find Soda there, his eyes wild-looking. "You did this," He practically growled the words, making me cringe. "You caused this, you idiot!" He threw me to the ground and before I could retaliate, Soda grabbed my shirt and thrust me to my feet, only to send me falling back onto the ground with his hand colliding with my eye. I grunted in pain and shock, not expecting any of this to happen. I felt a shoe crash down on my leg and felt pressure being applied, before hearing a crack and having hot, white, agonizing pain shoot up my entire leg. I screamed and shook Soda's foot off of my leg, standing to my feet and flinging myself at him, tackling him to the ground and pinning him there. I began to throw solid and repeated blows at my brother's body, taking all my anger out on him. Soda threw me off and began to pound me, screaming challenges and not bothering to see if I was alright. Pain exploded inside my body as Soda's fists connected with my ribs, my head, my jaw and everything else in between. The grass below us was stained crimson red because of the blood, and I felt sick as I swiftly got to my feet and dodged Soda's grasp on my shoulders, kicking his legs out from under him and watching him fall to the ground, winded. I blinked the sweat, blood, and tears out of my eyes and stared at my beaten and winded brother, not noticing how much damage we had both done to each other until that moment.

"You done?" I asked, panting from lack of breath. I felt like I had run a marathon and gotten into a rumble at the same time and my muscles screamed in protest as I limped over to the tree and leaned against it, trying not to black out because of the pain. Soda sat up and nodded, though his eyes betrayed the promise he was making me. A shadow of crazy passed through his dark brown eyes, and he suddenly began bawling, his pain-filled cries echoing around us in the cold night.

_He's gone crazy… _I thought as I watched my brother put his head in his hands and continue to cry, blaming himself for Kat being gone instead of me. Soda's body was shaking and convulsing as he sat there, shedding the tears he had held in for so long. I heard what sounded like guys' yelling at one another off in the distance, and I saw two boys appear out of the trees, both of them looking strangely familiar. They both said something I didn't catch to each other and I about jumped out of my skin when I recognized their voices.

"Steve! Two-Bit!" I yelled and ran towards the dark shapes, excitement coursing through my body at the thought of being reunited with the gang again. Soda was right behind me, smiling like our fight hadn't even happened. I ignored the searing pain in my leg as I tackled Two-Bit to the ground in a hug, and Soda ended up doing the same to Steve.

Steve ruffled my hair and said, "Dang, Pony, you look different…" He looked at Soda. "You haven't changed. That's too bad."

"Oh, shut it." Soda shoved Steve playfully, the happy look he had lost for so long back in his eyes. Steve chuckled and shoved Soda back and eventually they started wrestling, trying to shove one another's face in the ground with one hand.

Tow-Bit rolled his eyes at them and looked at me, studying me like I was some type of pet. Steve rolled off of Soda and walked over to sit beside me, Soda joining him and sitting on my other side. Steve and Two-Bit both looked like they had something on their minds, and I was anxious for them to tell us what it was. "Something's up," Soda said, looking from Two-Bit to Steve several times before continuing. "What is it?"

"And where's Darry?" I added to Soda's question suddenly, and I saw Two-Bit and Steve cringe and sadness fill their eyes. "Is he hiding?" I asked and got to my feet and began trudging around the area, going farther and farther away from them. I heard a scream filled with pain and loss and ran back, suddenly forgetting about Darry.

It began to pour, rain running down my face making me look like I was crying. Lightning flashed, and I saw three silhouettes in the distance beside the cliff, two of them holding back one who was thrashing and yelling at them. I recognized the one thrashing and I bolted forward, trying to make to him before it was too late and he was over the edge. "Soda!" I yelled, hoping he would hear me, but I knew good and well he couldn't. He broke free of Steve and Two-Bit's grasp and ran to the edge, his mournful cries breaking through the hard pitter-patter of the rain.

I saw Soda grab something from his pocket and aim it at himself. "I'm going with him, I can't lose him now! Darry can't be dead, he just can't! " He screamed over the rain.

"Soda! Think of how much hurt you'll put Pony through if you do this!" Steve yelled at his best friend, rain running off of his face and clothes.

"He'll be fine without me!"

"No, he won't! Get away from there before you hurt yourself!" _Two-Bit sounds like a father…_ I thought as I got closer to them, making sure I wasn't seen. Lightning flashed again, blinding me.

"Soda! Stop this, please! I don't want to lose you like I lost everything else!" I yelled and came out from the shadows of the trees, watching as my brother turned his eyes on me for a moment, pain and sorrow passing through them.

"You shouldn't have come, Pony… Now you suffer the consequences…" Soda looked at me through tear-filled eyes one last time before pulling the trigger, I hearing a gunshot and running towards the edge just in time to see my brother's body fall down into the deep and welcoming blackness.

* * *

**I'm sorry everyone, you all hate me! I didn't want to kill off Soda, but I didn't have anything else planned for him in the book, so I had too... I hope you will all still review, and you won't flame me for killing him off! Please don't be mad at me, I hope you all understand... **

**This book will end in the next chapter, about half-way through, and then it'll be a VERY VERY SHORT EPILOGUE. I may or may not post a second book, you gotta get me to 55-70 reviews in order for that to happen, or if you get close to 70 I'll put one up:) I hope you all review and stick around for the Final Chapter and Epilogue! **


	17. Chapter 17: I'm backkk! :D

Chapter 17:

Words I Couldn't Say

"No!" I screamed over the roar of the wind and rain, trying to grasp what I had just witnessed. My brother, Soda, the only one who actually cared for me and loved me, was gone forever. And he wasn't coming back.

"Pony..." Steve and Two-Bit sounded from behind me, and I whipped around to face them, my eyes betraying any type of emotion towards them. My body shook with rage as I watched their eyes flicker to the edge of the cliff and back to me, and finally Two-Bit took a step forward, which made me step back in retaliation, my gaze meeting his.

"Don't come closer," I said, knowing all good and well how close to falling off the cliff I was.

"Pony-" Steve began, but the wild look in my eyes cut him off. Two-Bit watched me carefully, as he was waiting for me to jump off the cliff and go after Soda. This time both him and Steve took a step towards me, fear lighting their eyes.

"I said don't come closer!" I yelled, tears running down my face. I looked over my shoulder at the dark abyss and then back at them, grief instead of fear lighting my own eyes. "I can jump... Save you two the suffering of having to kill me yourselves."

"No, Ponyboy..." Two-Bit's voice was suddenly rough with pain, something I hadn't heard from good ol' Two-Bit in a long time. "Don't do this... You saw how Soda-" he froze as he said my brother's name, waiting for me to lash out at him. When I didn't scream at him for saying his name, he took a deep breath and continued. "You saw how Soda looked when he was standing where you are now... He wouldn't want you to do this."

"You said that to him about me." I said, and l felt a sob rising in my throat, cutting me off from going any further. Both Two-Bit and Steve looked at me with pain in their eyes, and I was suddenly aware of what I was about to do. I slowly backed away from the edge of the cliff, and once I was well away from it I collapsed onto the ground, my body racking with uncontrollable sobs.

I felt two hands grab my shoulders, and looked up to find Steve bent down to my level, his gaze boring into mine. "Ponyboy... It's gonna be okay. You'll be okay." His gaze became shadowed with slight warning, and I was genuinely surprised at how well he was dealing with this situation; then again, Steve had watched Dally die right in front of him, so this couldn't have been any more different.

"There was so much I wanted to tell him..." My voice came out as a whisper, barely audible against the roar of wind and rain. "And now I can't tell him anything!" I watched as Steve's own eyes became dull with grief and sorrow, and his shoulders shook slightly as if he was crying yet no tears came out of his eyes. Two-Bit looked at both of us before his attention was drawn back to the cliff where Soda had disappeared, his gaze thoughtful yet shadowed by loss.

An utter silence passed over all three of us, listening to the pounding sound of the rain beating against the grass. I finally broke the silence by saying, "What're you lookin' at, Two-Bit?"

He seemed distracted and didn't hear me.

"Two-Bit," I said, more harsher than I intended too. "What're you lookin' at?"

His gaze flickered towards me and back at the cliff, then back to me. "I was just thinkin'," he said, taking no notice as to why he might be staring at the edge of a cliff.

I looked at him, my gaze filled with questions. "About...?"

"Nothing, Ponyboy." Two-Bit said, taking a step towards where Steve and I sat, Steve's hands still on my shoulders in an attempt to keep me from running off. "But we'll be okay, Pony. You got us, and we're not that bad."

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?" I said, cracking a smile despite the pain I felt inside at the thought of Soda gone. Steve chuckled to himself while Two-Bit ruffled my hair, smiling. I looked back at the cliff and then at my hands, and I hadn't noticed that they were stained with Soda's blood up until that moment. I tried to shake the hold the memories had on my mind, but the ringing sound of the gunshot still rang in my ears, and the image of Soda falling to his death replayed in my mind over and over again.

Two-Bit must've seen the haunting look in my eyes because he took hold of the situation by saying, "Don't think about that stuff, Ponyboy... It won't help you in a time like this."

"It's all I can think about, Two-Bit!" I shouted, suddenly enraged by my inner thoughts. "It's all I can think about, and it won't go away!"

"Ponyboy..." Steve said, shooting Two-Bit an annoyed glare. "It'll go away, these things just take time..."

"That's what Soda had told me the night our parents died... 'It'll take time, Pony...' It never did!" I yelled, hot tears running down my face despite the freezing rain. "He said I would be okay eventually... I never was! And now look, he's dead!" I shrugged Steve's hands off of me and got to my feet, my body shaking with anger at myself for allowing my brother to die the way he did. "It should've been me that died tonight, not him!"

"Ponyboy!" Steve and Two-Bit yelled back at me, making me turn in surpsise at how fierce their voices were.

"Quit saying that..." Steve said, his voice cracking as he continued. "That's... That's one of the reasons Soda did this. With you always blaming yourself for someone else's actions, plus Darry's death hitting him so hard Soda just couldn't bear it..." He took a deep breath and looked about ready to break down right then and there, but he remained strong for my sake.

I broke down then, falling to my knees and allowing all the tears I had held in for so long to be let out. I didn't even get to tell Soda how sorry I was, I didn't even get to tell him how much I loved him...

And now I wouldn't be able to tell him how much I miss him.

I watched Steve and Two-Bit sit down beside me, both of them staring into nothing. I felt them place a hand on each of my shoulders tightly, as if they couldn't hold themselves up without my body to support them.

"I'm sorry Soda... I'm so sorry..." I shouted to the dark sky through sobs, and it felt like my heart and lungs were being torn out of my body, making it hard to breathe.

The force of the rain quickened, and it was as if the entire world were grieving along with us.

* * *

**Hey guys! I'm bacccckkkkk! I've decided to continue with this story instead of making the second book so soon, because I really want to make you guys cry during this book XD. I know that's quite odd, but I've never had anyone cry while reading my books, so that's a goal I'm trying to reach XD. **

**I hope I get tons of reviews so I can give you all Chapter 18! :D **

**Since many of you cannot review again, PM your reviews and tell how me you liked it! Thanks! :) **

**-Huntress of Falling Skies :D **


	18. Chapter 18

**Alright guys, here's Chapter 18! I really hope you guys like it and won't flame me! I love you all so much for reviewing and taking the time to read this story, even though I quit for two months and then came back! I'm so glad that I have wonderful people like you all to count on for awesome reviews and awesome comments! You are all amazing and I love you all; I mean that from the bottom of my heart!**

**Enough of my rambling: Onto Chapter 18! Don't forget to review :D**

Chapter 18:

Black Path I Walk

I sat bolt upright, breathing heavily. For a moment, I couldn't figure out where in the hell I was, but then memories came around like a tidal wave, each one more painful and monstrous than the last. I must've fallen asleep, because tiredness dragged at my body and sleep made my vision fuzzy, but I rubbed it away quickly and looked down at Steve and Two-Bit, who were asleep with their arms draped over their faces in an attempt to block out the blinding sun.

"Get up!" I whispered and nudged both of them, hoping they'd wake up so we could get out of here. I grumbled to myself under my breath when they didn't even acknowledge that I had tried to wake them, so I left them lying there and went to the edge of the cliff, sitting down and staring out at the sky which was beginning to light up with dawn. I sighed and looked down at the very bottom and I was genuinely surprised that I could see all the way down, remembering that it had only been a day since Soda's death even though it felt like months or years had passed already.

There had been so much I wanted to say to him, but now that he was gone forever I wouldn't be able to say them. I listened to the peaceful silence that came over me as I stared down at the thing that was responsible for my brother's death, and I shuddered. I pushed the thoughts away and allowed my mind to wander, tearing my eyes from the crime scene and up at the sky trying to distract myself. "Why'd you have to go, Soda? Why?" I felt my eyes water as I said the words, forcing back the sob that rose in my throat at the sound of my deceased brother's name on my lips.

"Why you starin' out at nothing, Ponyboy?" The voice of Steve sounded behind me and I looked at him from over my shoulder, where he stood only a few steps away from me with his arms crossed over his chest and Two-Bit beside him, watching me through narrowed eyes as if he thought I'd do something dangerous.

"I'm just thinkin', Steve. That's it." I said, hoping he couldn't tell I was lying even though it was half the truth while half a lie.

"Well, it doesn't seem like it, but okay." Two-Bit said suddenly, speaking for both Steve and himself.

"Hey Steve? Two-Bit?" I suddenly said, knowing exactly what I wanted to ask.

"What?" Two-Bit said, once again not giving Steve time to reply.

"What do you think is down there?"

This time it was Steve who answered, sending Two-Bit a glare from the corner of his eye. "Dunno. Why'd you wanna know?"

"I was thinking…" I took a breath, bracing myself for the worst as I continued. "Maybe we could go down and see."

* * *

"I can't believe I agreed to this," Steve complained when we finally reached the bottom of the treacherous cliff. All three of us had almost fell the rest of the way down at least five times or more, and after the fifth time we all pretty much hugged the wall like a person the rest of the way. It had taken several pleads from me and about five from Two-Bit, who obviously wanted to come down here as much as I did to finally make Steve comply and follow us down.

"Well you did, now suck it up and keep going." Two-Bit laughed, trying to lighten the mood despite the anger Steve held against me for almost making him lose his footing on the cliff by throwing a rock at him. I thought it was pretty funny, but according to Steve it had 'really hurt him'.

"I'm going, I'm going…" Steve mumbled under his breath in front of me. I was in between him and Two-Bit, because they wouldn't let me lead when I was the one who thought of the idea in the first place.

"I still think I should lead. After all, I'm the one who thought of this!" I said matter-of-factly, which earned me a glare from Two-Bit and then Steve.

"You're also the one who's gonna get us all killed!" Steve shot back, and when I didn't reply he smiled, pleased with himself for finally being able to make me shut up.

I cursed low under my breath at Steve and saw something glinting in the shining sunlight a few feet ahead of us. I broke into a run, ignoring Steve's ignorant yell for me to come back and picked up my pace, and after what seemed like hours I finally reached the object I had saw from all the way back there. "Holy shit!" I yelled when I recognized what it was by the sight of dried blood on the barrel.

"What Pony?" I hadn't noticed that Steve and Two-Bit had appeared beside me until they were leaning forward in interest, looking at the one thing that I hoped was his.

"It's Soda's gun! That means he's alive!"

* * *

**Oh snap! What has the three living members of the gang gotten themselves into now? Is the gun actually Soda's? All these answers will be uncovered in Chapter 19! **

**Can I get 70-80 reviews before Chapter 19? :D **

**I've changed my name to Fading Black Roses, by the way :) **

**-Fading Black Roses**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Memories and Dead Bodies

Two-Bit shook his head. "Pony, that might've just washed up onto shore. Don't you see that lake right there?" Steve said nothing, instead his eyes flickered between me and the gun, his gaze shadowed by something I couldn't read.

I stomped my foot like a little kid, but my voice was cold like ice as I said, "Damn you, fucktard! I can't think positively for one freaking second without you getting all negative on me! Screw you!"

"Easy, Ponyboy." Steve suddenly spoke up, but I was already shaking with rage from my inner thoughts, plus my hope of my brother being alive was being shattered by Two-Bit. I stormed off, going back to where Soda had jumped and looking upwards, wondering if anyone was looking for us by now while clinging to the gun and the sliver of hope that my brother was alive. Soda... He had always been there for me. He couldn't disappear now! I needed him more than ever right now, and him being gone made me more crazy than I already was.

I looked down at the gun in my hand and stared at dried blood for a while, thinking. Suddenly, I remembered somebody. Two somebodies. Molly. Kat. I almost didn't want to find Kat, because she was the reason Soda died. If she weren't stupid enough to give herself up, Soda wouldn't have even thought of jumping. But Molly I was worried for.

Steve and Two-Bit looked up as soon as I had pushed past them to go and look for Soda and Molly.

"Where you goin?" Steve hollered at me. I shot them a glare.

"Forward, what the hell does it look like?" I replied coldly and started to walk into the woods. I heard them follow at a distance. I held tight onto the gun as I heard sobbing off to my right and hoping, praying that it was Molly, I started to sprint.

The most gruesome sight welcomed me.

There, laying on the forest floor, was my beloved, precious Molly.

Beautiful. Kind. Thoughtful.

Dead.

Blood seeped from her neck, onto the jeans of another blond-haired girl.

Kat.

She was sobbing, looking weak and pathetic. When she heard me, she looked up. She looked from my cold gaze to the bloody gun in my hand, then turned, picked up Molly's dead body and ran, not giving me time to say anything.

"Kat, wait!" I yelled after her, breaking into a run and trying to catch her before she did something she would regret. I weaved in and out of the trees, faintly seeing Kat's outline through the thickly leaved trees, calling her name over and over again in hopes she would finally stop.

"Go away!" She yelled at me when she finally stopped, leaving me standing there panting from lack of breath. "I don't need your help, idiot!"

"Kat, listen!" I shot back, trying to make her see the situation in my perspective.

"No!" Kat yelled, anger clear in her voice. "Where's your brother, anyway? I need him more than I need you!"

I froze, surprised she hadn't known by now. "He's..." I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst as I answered her question. "Soda's dead, Kat. I'm sorry... I tried to stop him-" I was suddenly met with a sting on the side of my face, and I knew Kat had come up and slapped me, because next thing I knew I was shoved against a tree with Kat's hand on my neck, her eyes burning with betrayal, rage, and loss all at the same time.

"You asshole," She scowled, glaring at me through narrowed eyes. "How the hell could you do that? Why'd you want him dead?"

I shoved her away from me and briskly replied, "I didn't want him dead, Kat. He killed himself."

Her eyes were shadowed by something I couldn't read as she took a step away from me, her eyes gleaming with hurt and loss mixed together. She didn't say anything before she picked up Molly's dead body once more and ran, and this time I let her go.

"Ponyboy! What the hell are you doing out here?" A voice sounded behind me and I turned around to find Steve and Two-Bit standing there, smiling and their eyes dancing with happiness.

"I was chasing a broad, nothing big." I said, raising an eyebrow at their happy faces. "Why're you two so giddy and happy all of a sudden?"

They stepped back to reveal two men, whose faces I recognized immediately and I bolted forward, screaming the two people I had believed I would never see again names at the top of my lungs:

"Soda! Darry! You're alive!"

* * *

**And... BOOM! BIG FINALE! Haha, just kidding :) This won't be ending for a while I hope. But hey, who got tricked? XD **

**Two chapters in one day... That's a giant milestone for me haha! **

**I'm super sorry for the shortness of this chapter, apparently my iPhone doesn't like me so it chooses to make the chapters I think that are super long really short -.-... DUMB TECHNOLOGY! Nah, without it I wouldn't be able to write this story! O.O**

**Chapter 20 you guys! We gotta get to that chapter! :D It'll be my longest FanFiction ever XD **

**-Fading Black Roses**


	20. Chapter 20

**Oh my goodness! Chapter 20 is finally hereeee! :D I'm sorry for the late update, school just started on Tuesday and it's been hectic. Plus my last few weeks of summer were very busy, so I didn't have time to update until now! But it's finally here, the chapter you all have been waiting for: Chapter 20!**

**This first part is Pony in a dream; just so I didn't confuse any of you that review later.**

Chapter 20:

Unexpected Visit

I open my eyes to find myself completely surrounded by blackness, not being able to see even three feet in front of me, much less my own body. I could faintly see a small flicker of light that lay beyond where I sat, but I knew I would have to get there in order to figure out where in the hell I was. Getting to my feet, I started walking. At first, it seemed as if I were floating in the air, like a ghost or someone in space; but as I began making my way closer to the light, I began to feel gravity weighing down on me, pushing me forward to my destination.

It seemed like only five minutes had passed before I finally reached the small and pale flicker of light. It glowed tremendously, like a lighter flame that had just been lit. Its energy radiated onto me, casting an eerie glow to my hands as I reached to grasp it, and within seconds of making skin contact it disappeared for a slit second before re-appearing, closer to what looked like a cottage. I stood there for a moment before sprinting towards the small flame, reaching out to grab it again; this time I managed to grasp it firmly, but as before it disappeared, re-appearing inside the cottage this time.

"You've got to be kidding me," I mutter under my breath as I quickly forced the door open and stepped inside, the floorboards creaking with age underneath my weight. I allowed the small white glow to guide me around the house instead of tiring myself out trying to chase it. It guided me down halls, down staircases that seemed a mile long, through doors and sometimes walls (yes, apparently even light can pass through walls without burning the whole place…) before finally stopping at what seemed to be a child's bedroom.

For a moment, I expected something to jump out and kill me. I heard a slam behind me and froze, waiting for someone to talk. No one did, and I finally got the courage to turn slowly around and face whatever I thought would be there, but all I found was the door shut.

The strange thing? The door was bolted shut.

Well, isn't that just a nice touch to the creepy feeling the entire place gave me?

By now, the once bright flame had dulled to a small shimmer, barely producing any light in the room. The flame suddenly disappeared once more, and this time it didn't re-appear; it was as if a small gust of wind had blown it out, like a person would do to any type of flame. Looking around, I found a small window up near the ceiling of the room, moonlight pouring into one section while the rest of the place was dark. Stumbling across the room towards it and finally being able to see, I glanced about, trying not to panic.

"You shall die here, young boy…" A voice suddenly hissed, its words like ice.

"W-Who's there?" I yelled, forcing down my inner fear of the entire situation.

"You are not wanted…" Another voice joined the first, fusing together in a terrible chant. "You shall die here… You are not wanted…"

"Join us in Darkness…" Several voices chanted, calling to me just like the first two. Trying to back up to the wall against all the clutter in the room, I was suddenly on the floor with some type of substance seeping into my clothes.

Sitting up, I ran my hand through my hair, drawing it back at the warmth that was suddenly on it. I froze as I saw the color of blood, and glancing down near my feet I saw a knife lying on the ground with its tip shining in the moonlight. The same red tint marked the blade, and I glanced between my hand and the knife several times before reaching forward and grabbing it. Getting to my feet and turning around in one quick movement, a mirror was suddenly before me and I stared at it for a moment, allowing silence to hang in the air.

Glancing at the knife, I could see myself out of the corner of my eye; I was normal, looking the same as I was now. But as soon as I tore my gaze from the knife to the mirror, a dark figure appeared, mimicking my movements as I waved the knife back and forth before it, hoping that I was dreaming.

It suddenly spoke, its voice like burning acid. "You have come…"

"Who the hell are you? And where the hell am I?" I yell, feeling my former panic turn into anger.

The figures eyes turn a sickening black, as if it were expecting me to ask that question. "I must not speak of where you are," It hissed, and for a moment I thought it was right beside me, whispering in my ear. "Though I am allowed to tell you who I am…"

"Who, then?" I demand, wanting to wake from this nightmare that I hoped I was having.

The figure laughed, the sound echoing off the walls long after he was finished. "I am you, Ponyboy Curtis."

And with that, the entire picture vanished, leaving me falling through a dark pit reeking of blood.

* * *

I sit up almost on instinct, expecting to see myself covered in blood. I rub my eyes and force down my fear; so it had been a bad dream after all.

Then why did it feel so real?

More importantly: Why could I remember every single thing that happened?

I glance around, wondering where Soda, Darry, Steve and Two-Bit are. Panic rises inside of me when I notice that they aren't anywhere to be seen, as if they had left me stranded here alone. I get to my feet and start walking, yelling their names over and over again in hopes that they would holler back.

I had yelled their names about seven times when I heard a scream; one of those eardrum-splitting screams coming from somewhere to my left. Immediatley breaking into a run, I sprinted towards the scream as fast as I could, hoping that I'd fund either Soda or Darry there.

I maneuvered my way out of the trees and found Soda, Darry, Steve, and Two-Bit all held in headlocks, the four men holding them I was unable to recognize.

"Well, well, well… Just who I wanted to see." A feminine voice sounds behind me, and I turn around to face the cold ice-blue eyes and the long blonde hair of someone I recognized right away:

"K-Kat?"

* * *

**Ah, I love cliffhangers. XD They drive everyone crazy! Want to have Chapter 21 by tonight? Get me to 79-82 reviews before that happens! **

**- The **Everlasting** Whisper**


	21. Chapter 21

**Alright guys, I know you've been waiting forever for this. And here it is! Sorry I haven't updated, but my reason is fantastic! THIS IS BEING MADE INTO AN ACTUAL BOOK. Yes, you heard me right: An actual, real-life book! I've been doing so much work for it that I haven't gotten time to post the FINAL CHAPTER for you guys, until now! Please enjoy this last chapter of Insanity, and thank you all so much for being there for me throughout this! **

**Chapter 21: **

**Two Years Later…**

_It's been two years; two years since we'd found Soda and Darry, two years since I've been okay. _

_ Two years since I last saw Kat run off with Molly's body, never to be seen again. _

_ Nightmares now haunted me; it was like a winter storm; it starts out small, then grows bigger and bigger until you are completely covered in it, never to find a way out. It was as if I was stuck inside the black hole I had been consumed in for years, except now I was head-deep in the blackness. _

_ For several months, I swear I was fine; I'd tell Darry I was fine, I'd tell Soda I was fine, and everyone else who asked. But honestly, I think they could tell that I was lying by the hurtful and remorseful look in my eyes whenever I'd tell them. _

_ I knew no one would believe me; I knew it all good and well. I knew it like the back of my hand, feeling like it was almost a part of me. _

_ The Blackness. Not the lies. _

_ Although, they also came and went, came and went, came and went. _

_ It was a never ending cycle, always centered on me. And as I lay in bed one night, Soda's soft breathing finally calming me enough to actually sleep, one question rang in my mind: _

_ I'm fine; I'm okay… I'm all right._

_ But am I really? _

_ Honestly, I actually believed myself when I'd tell people I was fine; I felt fine whenever I'd tell them, but as soon as they would go off and leave me, standing there alone I'd just… Break. _

_ I would fall to the ground, suffocating in my own thoughts. _

_ I couldn't breathe; I couldn't do anything. _

_ I was helpless once again. _

"Okay, kid, now I'm starting to think this isn't an English assignment." I looked up from my notebook to see Soda standing in the doorway to our room, leaning against the frame as if it was the only thing to hold him up. I rolled my eyes in annoyance, and Soda grinned at my glare I had given him.

"Can't you be a good older brother and leave me in here? I'm actually doing my schoolwork for once." It was true; It took me, Darry, and Soda to convince the school to let me back in. I had to be put all the way back in 9th grade, but I was fine with that if it meant me getting my reputation back.

"You know I ain't like that." Soda easily crossed the room in three steps, considering our room was quite small. He reached out his hands and ruffled my hair, making me groan in annoyance and smack his hands away from doing it a second time.

"Really? You had to do that?" I mumbled under my breath as I kicked him in the shin and looking up at the pained look on his face I knew I had done it right.

He laughed, not even fazed by my counterattack. "Sometimes I think you should've been born before me, Pone."

"And why's that?"

"Because you act like the older brother most of the time."

"Only because you choose to act like a four year old!" I couldn't help but smile, despite the slight anger in my voice.

Soda sat down on the bed beside me, the mattress squeaking under his weight. "I don't choose to act like a four year old, Pone; I am one."

"You can say that again." I said, and quickly stood up as Soda lunged for me, dodging his grasp on my shoulders and making him face-plant into the bed.

"So what's this thing?" His voice was muffled for a moment before he sat upright and pointed at my notebook beside him.

I quickly grabbed it just as he reached for it and held it against my chest, like it was my life's job. "It's nothing."

"Oh, come on Ponyboy." Soda said, genuine plead in his dark brown eyes. "Just let me see it, I won't judge or nothin'."

I was almost tempted to give it to him; to allow him to see what I had written in all those pages, to see my pain written on paper. I wanted to let him see what I was going through; hoping that he, being my older brother would help me.

But I didn't for reasons unknown.

"Don't you work night shift?" I asked, remembering that Soda offered to work nights now while Darry worked during the day and slept right when he got home.

Soda shrugged. "Yeah, but I don't have to go-"

"Yeah you do." I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

Soda snorted and reluctantly got up from the bed, noticing that Darry's bedroom door was open and he wasn't inside. "Darry must've gone out…" He looked at me, his eyes shadowed by worry. "You'll be fine here by yourself, right?"

"I've done it before, Soda." I said, shoving him out of our room and smiling at my brother. "Trust me, Soda. I'll be fine…"

He still looked wary, like he wanted to stay; for a moment I was hoping he would. Hoping that he'd just not go to work and stay here with me, keep me safe from harm which I knew he wanted to do.

But he was my brother, and I was fifteen. He couldn't protect me from everything anymore, like he had when I was little.

But I longed to be little now; to be with my parents, with Soda, with Darry; I longed for my parents, so that we could all be a family and not just three brothers. I longed for the safety that was Soda's arms, I longed for the safety that was my parents, that was my home.

But even now, as Soda stood only a foot away from me, he still felt thousands of miles away.

* * *

After I heard Soda's footsteps descend from the living room and the door shut, I sighed in relief. Now no one would be able to stop me. The nightmares were becoming real, so alive that it felt as if they were playing before me like a movie.

I quickly threw my notebook on the bed, and in one quick movement I was out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, running bath water. I knew what I wanted; I knew I had to do this, to save my brothers the suffering they were about to feel.

I knew I had to do this to save myself.

Not even bothering to get out of my clothes, I gingerly stepped into the bathtub, not feeling like myself. It was as if I weren't the one doing this; the nightmares had come to life, right here and now.

After moments of just standing there, allowing the hot water to just soak my worn and faded jeans and listening to the minutes tick by I finally forced myself to lie down in the bathtub. Feeling the hot water pierce my skin like lava for a moment and then fading the next, I just laid there; I felt like I was on a cloud, like nothing could harm me here as long as I was on it.

Allowing my head to go underwater, I listened to the silence that surrounded me seconds after. My vision became cloudy, my heart seemed to slow, and time itself seemed to slow, the seconds leading to my death ticking by slowly, almost robotically.

I knew I was dying, and I was glad for the calming sense it brought to my mind.

I knew I would fall asleep here, in the bathtub. Never to wake up, haunted by my past forever in the blackness known as my life.

Black spots dotted my vision, and as much as I wanted to lift my head above water and breathe I didn't; I wanted to die, it was the only way.

And as I faintly heard the slamming of the door and Darry's voice echo through the house, I knew it was seconds before he found me here, slowly sinking into death.

His voice was far away as Darry stepped through the door and called my name, shock appearing on his face. But he was too late; I was dying, and I knew his face would be the last image in my head, forever sealed away in my memories.

The black dots got closer, and closer and closer together, forming into one huge black hole in which I called Death.

And as I felt myself slip away, I heard Darry's last words to me:

"I'm sorry, Ponyboy… I should have helped you.."

But you didn't, Darry.

But I forgive you for your mistake.

Because now I walk a path of gray, in between the meaning of Heaven and Hell.

* * *

**All right, I've got a treat for you all! Guess what? You know how I said I was gonna post a second book following this? Well, I STILL Am! Yes, the second book will be called 'To Save A Life'. That's all I'm telling you ;) You'll have to wait for the rest! Thanks to everyone who stayed with me through this, and believed in me to finish this! :D **

**I love you guys! ot ina crepper way, like a super-awesome-best-friend way XD. **

**-The Whispers in The Night**


	22. Ponyboy's Letter to Soda and Darry

**This is a letter Pony wrote to Soda and Darry before his death; I should have posted this before Chapter 21, but... Meh. XD**

**Sorry, but here it is! I hope you enjoy, and perhaps cry XD. I know I did! **

_We are what we choose to be; fate cannot choose it for us, we must choose who and what we want to be in life. _

_Life's like a novel with the end ripped out; you've got to write the ending yourself, before you fade into black. Which is why I, Ponyboy Michael Curtis, am writing this. _

_You think I'm sitting in this room with the light on, Soda. Our little room that we've shared since Mom and Dad died; no, I'm sitting in darkness, with the moon as my only light source as I write this to you. _

_So, you're probably wondering why I'm writing this now, as I plan my escape from this Hell I'm living in, correct? _

_You've come to the right place. _

_My dear brothers, how I've waited to tell you all of this; how long I've waited for this moment to come, where I would leave this place called Earth and live up where the sun doesn't shine: Hell. _

_Hell is my home; not this place that us humans call Earth. It's not even considered home to me anymore. I've realized how deadly this place can be; full of murder, fights, and unnecessary bloodshed. _

_Hell, meanwhile, is full of the one thing that I love. _

_Death. _

_I know what you're thinking, Soda and Darry. You're thinking that I've wanted to kill myself for a long time now, even after I ran off that night with Johnny and threw us all into this mess. But I'll tell you the real reasons, not the rumors spread about me; I'll tell you what life was really like through my eyes for once. _

_Be prepared to experience my pain, my dear brothers. _

_My pain through words. _

_You know good and well that the first reason is Johnny and Dally's deaths. Yes, I know it was three years ago, but it's still bugging me; it haunts me, it haunts me in my dreams and when I'm awake. Never leaving, always there… _

_But I refused to let those dreams get to me; so I found my release. _

_Yes, Soda and Darry. I cut myself to feel relieved. _

_Soda, I'm sure you've noticed it; when you look at the small lines on my arms, even on my ankles and you don't question me about them I still know you could see it. I know that you were afraid to ask me, afraid of what I'd say. _

_But if you would've asked, it might have saved me. _

_And Darry, I could tell by the look in your eyes that you wanted to ask all along; it's like you both didn't want to ask, like you were frozen whenever you'd get the chance to. But I just ignored it and went along with my life, while you both went along with yours, and you never once asked… _

_It could have saved me. It should have saved me. _

_But did you ask? Did you even show you were concerned? Did you even want to know? _

_No. You didn't. _

_And that's why you saw my body being set six feet in the ground today; all because you didn't want to ask. _

_Because you both were too afraid to ask. And that's the sad part; that my own brothers didn't even want to ask about my life, how I was doing, what I was doing to myself whenever you would see the small marks upon my body. _

_And that's why I am dead. _

_And no, I'm not blaming you two or even the gang for my death, so you can let out that long breath you've most likely been holding for about five minutes. _

_I can promise you this, though…_

_I'm okay from where I stand now. I know I wasn't okay before, lost in my thoughts every single day. But since I felt my spirit separate from my body, I knew I was okay. _

_I'm okay, Soda. _

_I'm okay, Darry. _

_I'm okay, I promise. _

_Nothing can harm me now. _

_And I want you to know this as well-_

_I can see the sunset of Home… My home. _

_And I can only hope that one day you'll join me here, on the border line between Heaven and Hell. _

_~Pony_


End file.
